Run/Walk...Crawl

I've noticed several times lately that this is not only how I approach my running, but also my life. When I'm running, I have a tendency to run like a bat out of hell until I'm out of breath, exhausted and have no choice but to walk. Sometimes it takes a mile, sometimes two, or sometimes it's in the first three minutes of my run. You'll find me walking or stopped and bent over on the trail or road, trying to catch my breath. Ocassionally I'll run in a group or with a friend and they will pace me or at least question me when I'm running faster than normal. Beck has been great at this, both on runs and in real life. He's been a steady rock for me, moving at a steady pace, constantly moving and never stopping. He always catches up with me and my rip the bandaid off mentality, and I love him for his steady pace.

To expand on that a little, you know when you're a kid, your parents teach you to rip the bandaid off quickly, because it hurts, but it's only going to hurt for a second instead of the whole time you're pulling at it trying to get it off if you go slowly. When I see an area for growth, I jump in feet first, hit the ground running and figure out what's going on so that I can fix it and get on to the next opportunity. Beck and some of my other friends are slow pullers, which makes it a little more gentle when you're processing life really, but I haven't been able to embrace this style of dealing with life's lessons yet.

The past couple of weeks have been especially difficult for me, with a lot of new experiences, a lot of life lessons, a lot of communication lessons and a lot of tests. I've been racing through them, pausing briefly at the end of each to celebrate the little victories and "unpack" with friends. A lot of my patterns have been presented to me on a dull silver platter for me to look at and decide whether to make a change in the way I approach them to stop the cycle of repeating the same patterns over and over and over and over...you get the point...or continue dealing with them in the same way over and over and over and over... One of the biggest patterns I want to share with you here is my tendency to leave before I get left. You know when you have a disagreement with an acquaintance, coworker or boss, or maybe even a close friend, and you look at something they said and think, "I don't need this in my life." I've been doing that a lot, and my reaction is typically to cut and run, literally removing them from my life and my mind. As I looked at this reaction and this pattern of leaving, I started to realize that usually I'm scared that they're mad at me or that I did something wrong or even worse, that I'm not "enough" and that they're going to leave me for it. So, my pattern is to get scared and leave them before they can leave me.

I have a friend in my life who I've been wanting to connect with on a deeper level who I had such an experience with a couple weeks ago. We had a miscommunication that led to some more miscommunication and non-communication that brought up a lot of fear and anger for me. When I was experiencing the urge to cut and run, I had an epiphany that this is a pattern that I need to take a closer look at. Maybe take a different direction, choose a different path. So I did. Instead of removing her from my facebook, my contact list and my life, I chose to dig a little deeper. I chose to communicate with her about my anger. I didn't do it in the best way, but I was lucky enough to be doing this work with someone who was strong and centered in her Self and centered in love. It was not the best time in her life to help me through this challenge, but she did it anyway. We stayed. We dug deep. We felt the icky feelings, and I came out the other side with a deeper love and respect for her and for myself.

I learned so many lessons out of this situation! I learned to stay. I learned a little more about how to dig deep. I learned to have patience that sometimes other people don't process things the same way or quite as fast as I do or even as fast as I would like them to. I learned compassion in dealing with others and learned better how to communicate a little more gently with someone I love. Some people walk when I run. But maybe they're still walking when I'm crawling and trying to get back on my feet. I'm probably going to mess this up again at some point, but I'm so grateful for these lessons to refer back to when I need them.

As I'm writing this, I'm even realizing how much this relates to my schedule, too. This past week was so full of activity! Not in a bad way or a good way, just full. It felt a little chaotic at times, rushing from one thing to the next, hoping I wasn't late, but being gentle on myself when I was, and today I feel like crawling.

I hope you don't mind, but I want to take a minute to relive some of the blessed moments I've had over the last week. I didn't have a lot of time this week to really appreciate all of the amazing things I got to experience. It really started on Sunday, when I went to breakfast with my parents, my grandmother and my handsome nephew. I always love spending time with him and getting to know him a little better. He's definitely an old soul and far beyond his three years in how smart he is. I have so much love for my family!

Monday, I got to babysit for two more of my favorite kiddos, Beck's niece and nephew. When I hang out with these kids, I get to experience the joy that comes along with being a kid and even step back into those shoes where everything is amazing and beautiful and joyful. We played on the swing set, ran, hid, seeked, played in the water, hunted for Indian coins, and laughed at some silly cartoons before they brushed their teeth and we all three crowded into a twin bed to read their favorite books.

Action shot of M&D hunting for Indian coins

Tuesday, I got to bake and decorate a cake for a friend's daughter's birthday. She wanted a Paw Patrol cake, so that's what she got! Baking cakes is so restorative for me, a skill that presented itself in one of the darkest times in my life and provided so much fulfillment for me and joy for the people with whom I had the pleasure of sharing them. I was so grateful for this opportunity to reunite with one of my favorite creative outlets!

Paw Patrol Cake - chocolate cake with chocolate filling, buttercream frosting and fondant decorations!

After delivering the cake, I was so blessed to get to have hot chocolate with a friend in the backyard of the Divine Life Playhouse, a beautiful creative oasis in the middle of East Nashville. If you haven't heard of this beautiful space, check out their Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/thedivinelifeplayhouse

On Wednesday, I got to teach yoga to some of my favorite private clients, a couple who let me take care of their physical, spiritual and emotional well-being for an hour when they're home from their busy travel schedules. Hayley and Tyler are two of the most beautiful, compassionate and kind people I've had the honor of meeting in this lifetime. After that, I pampered myself with a Onement treatment from Ataana and a restorative yoga class with one of my favorite teachers before dinner with a new friend.

Thursday was a day full of love and excitement as I subbed back-to-back classes at Kali Yuga Yoga and taught a style of yoga that is sometimes very difficult for me but felt amazing this week, full of vibrancy and laughter. In between classes, I got to have tea with one of my students and got to connect with another yogi in the sunshine over common interests and shared beliefs. Thursday evening, I went with Beck to a Sounds baseball game to surprise a friend for her birthday. The new stadium is beautiful and the weather was perfect for a night game. It was such a great night full of love and laughter and the delight of a friend being surrounded by people who love her!

This morning has been a great time for writing as I rest on the couch of the house where I'm dog-sitting. I finished up an overdue assignment for RootsRated Nashville, which is a website and app for outdoor enthusiasts to find activities in the areas where they live or where they're visiting. I have been working on destination articles for the trail running section of the website and had a featured article due earlier this month that I finally got around to (like I said, sometimes I crawl...). It feels amazing to have another article under my belt! It is the perfect ending to such a blessed and full week, and as I reflect back on this week, I'm reminded how blessed I am that I had the courage to step out of the box and into a line of work that feels like play and has exposed me to so many amazing opportunities. I love what I do. I love being in the flow. I love letting life carry me with it where it will and the joy that those experiences bring.

Tomorrow morning is another opportunity for you to join me and Beck as we run/walk at Bicentennial Mall, maybe pausing here and there to watch the marathoners pass by. Run️Yoga️Love is changing, by the way. It is growing as I grow. It is going by feeling instead of by schedule. It is going to be at different locations every week, possibly at different times, and will definitely be a different pace every week, depending on who is there, how the group is feeling, and where we want to go. Check the Facebook page for updates on the time and location so that you don't miss the action! https://www.facebook.com/RunYogaLove

There are also two weeks left in the kundalini yoga series that I'm teaching at Kali Yuga Yoga in East Nashville (http://www.kaliyugayoga.com/KundaliniIntro.html). It's at 11:30 tomorrow (4/25) and Saturday (5/2). I would love to teach you a little more about the yoga of awareness and let you experience the bliss that comes along with that. I'm also teaching my regular pitta (hot) class at 4:30 at Kali Yuga Yoga, so check out their website (http://www.kaliyugayoga.com/Marathon.html) for road closures and the best route to the studio and come on out and join us in a slow, gentle practice! Hopefully there will be no crawling tomorrow!

In looking at my schedule for next week, I'm realizing that there's not much going on. It's amazing how one week can be so full, running from one thing to the next and then the next is a nice slow crawl from one event to the other with plenty of time in between to rest and reflect.

Love to all,
Emily Rose

Labels

I'm getting a little tired of them. Well, I should say that I've been tired of them for at least a year now, but I continue using them along with everyone else, because that's the way we communicate. That's the way we relate to other people. Words. Judgements. Labels.

They're everywhere! They're what we use to define ourselves: I'm too fat, too skinny, too blonde, too pale...I'm an engineer, a singer, a songwriter, a yoga instructor, a dogsitter, a babysitter, a house sitter... We use them to define others: She's too friendly, too bubbly, too whatever. Good, bad, pretty, ugly... You get the point. We label everything we do and everyone we meet in some way. 

This video of kids breaking through their labels to live wholly and purely in their truth came up in my news feed this morning and I want to share it with you. https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1085977368086270 I hope it moves you to be a little more aware of one label you've put on someone or just notice next time you label something as good or bad, broken, whatever.

What would happen if we removed those labels? If we just looked at each other with no judgement and no assessment? If I met someone and just knew right away that I loved them without knowing anything about them. What if I knew the other person was me? We are all energetic beings. We are all made up of particles of energy that vibrate and reflect light back for the eye to see. We are all capable of loving and being loved.

And maybe those are just words to you right now. Maybe you don't know what they mean yet. Maybe I don't know what they mean yet. But I know I've had glimpses of them in my life, and those glimpses are getting bigger and longer.  I am capable of living fully in that place of love where I will never feel the need to judge or label myself or others again. I hope you'll join me there!

Let's make those labels fade into the background, and be our beautiful, true, authentic selves!

In Unlabelled Unconditional Love,

Emily Rose

Just Breathe

When is the last time you took a breath? I mean really, intentionally took a long deep breath? If you're like me, it doesn't happen enough. I forget to breathe. A lot. I'm a yoga instructor and lead meditations where I teach other people to take long deep breaths, and I still forget to just breathe sometimes.

Do something for me. Well, actually, do it for you. Stop whatever you're doing, and notice your next inhale. How long did it take? 1 second? 2? Make your next inhale double that. Try adding another second to the next inhale. And the next. Until you've taken the deepest breath you think you can handle. And then take 5 breaths just like that. Do this every day. Build up if you want to. Challenge yourself to take longer and longer inhales every time. See what differences you notice in your body, in your mind, in your emotions. Do this when you feel tired, sick, stressed. Just breathe.

If it helps, give yourself little reminders. Put a post-it note on your mirror, on the dash of your car, wherever you'll see it that asks the simple question, "Have you breathed today?" If the answer is no, give it a shot.

I have the word breathe embroidered on my toiletries bag that I take with me when I travel. This simple reminder to breathe helps me slow down and enjoy the trip that much more.

If you only give yourself one gift today, let it be this. Just breathe.

Let Go and Let GOD

Everyone has a different idea of what GOD means. God for some people is the religious version of God, which may or may not be spiritual, and is often thought of as a being to be feared and obeyed. For others, God is spiritual, a being who loves us unconditionally and does not judge us or punish us. In Kundalini Yoga, GOD stands for "that force which is always Generating, Organizing and Destroying" (and/or Delivering, depending on who you're talking to). Yogi Bhajan said, "God is not living on the seventh story, and no lift goes to Him. God is you. He is your expression. He is your identity in existence. That is why God is everywhere. Because wherever you are, God is. Because wherever you generate, organize and destroy, it is a fraction of the same that is already prevailing in the universal human. Therefore, we can conclude that the human is the image, or the finite activity, of the universal activity in operation."

This past weekend was my last weekend in Kundalini Teacher Training, and it was bittersweet. I am looking at it as a beginning instead of an ending. As part of our weekends together, we always check in as a group and go over what's happened since the last training weekend. We also check out, and just go over how we're feeling after the weekend of training, and what we're looking forward to. This weekend, when we checked out, we told everyone what we were releasing and what we were taking with us from this training. I released, "Everything" and took with me, "Love, clarity and me."

My teacher training class and teachers!

I'm not sure if I've told you before, but releasing for me takes place on many levels. Spiritually, I let go. It's easy. Mentally, I let go. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it takes a lot of work. Physically, I let go. This is sometimes incredibly ugly, and my poor family got to witness it on Sunday after graduation. (I won't go into details here.) I am also feeling the physical release as a pressure on my back. The body releases energetically through the back of our chakras, so it only makes sense to feel this.

But I'm getting off track. Or maybe I'm not? Let's go back to this weekend. Our graduation ceremony was on Sunday, and we invited friends and family to join us for the ceremony. Prior to the ceremony, we set intentions for what we wanted our practice to look like that we read aloud in the ceremony. It could be any "I am..." statement, so I chose one of my favorites that came to me last year sometime, and that is "I am the healing power and presence of God's Infinite light." I think I may have heard it in a Deepak Chopra meditation at some point.

I was so grateful to see my family and friends show their support of my choice on Sunday! It was truly amazing and inspiring. 

We also selected a Yogi Bhajan quote to share at graduation. My quote has been a mantra of mine for much of this training, so it wasn't hard for me to come back to it. Yogi Bhajan said, "Let go and let GOD." This is such a good way of expressing the surrender that's needed in order to achieve a spiritual life and practice. It encourages us to go with the flow, because everything is already taken care of. Stop trying to control your life, your body, your mind and just let it be connected to the Infinite being that you already are.

You are amazing just the way you are. You don't need anyone else's approval but your own. Go play. Do what makes you happy. If something makes you happy, don't let anyone take it from you. Wake up every morning and do what brings you joy. Surround yourself in beauty and love and people who support that in you. Everything you create is beautiful. Just be you.

Love and sat nam,
Emily Rose

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

They just keep on comin! I've made yet another move into what we're calling the Summer Home. I moved in with Beck. To some, that may seem like a big move, a huge commitment to move in with someone. For those of you who know me at all or have been reading this blog for any significant amount of time, you've probably already figured out that commitment is something I struggle with right now. We're getting around this by saying it's just temporary. Hence, this is my home for the summer. In August, Beck will be moving to Cookeville, and then I will have another decision to make about whether to go with him, stay here in Nashville, or find a new home altogether. Bali is looking pretty amazing right now. Just sayin....

I knew that I was making the right move when I was on the verge of cancelling my Thumbtack account and had a request from someone in White House, approximately 6 miles from my new front door. It turned out that they're musicians who travel a lot for work, but when they're home, they want me to teach them yoga as much as possible. That was pretty life-affirming, not just in my decision to move to White House, but also in my decision to become a yoga teacher. I don't know why it makes a difference, but when someone of this stature decides to put their body and spiritual development in your hands for an hour when they're at home for such short amounts of time, it makes you think, "Hm, maybe this really is where I'm meant to be."

I feel that way every time I end a class, too. I am so humbled by the gratitude that people express on their way out, when people tell me they feel like they've just gotten a massage, when people grow on their mats. It fills my heart with love and gratitude that my path has brought me here. I've said all along that I don't feel like this is my final resting spot, but it's a pretty amazing stepping stone.

Another change that has come into my life over the last few months is the opening of the Nashville Center for Alternative Therapy (NCAT).  NCAT is a one stop shop for alternative healing modalities. They have massage, acupuncture, yoga, energy work, hypnosis, sound therapy, and so much more. The things they don't have in-house, they have a network they can refer you to. I have "office" hours there every Friday from 1-8 pm! I'm taking on clients who want to use yoga or energy work to heal their bodies and minds. It's such a great spot to be, and I'm so grateful to the owners for their love and support as I'm growing my practice.

I can't help but acknowledge another major milestone that passed last month. I quit my job as an engineer in February 2014, and almost a year later, I'm actually able to pay most of my bills with yoga and energy work. Granted I've simplified my life and purged unneccessary items, services and expenses, but I'm making it work. Eventually, I know that as my practice and clientele grows, I'll be able to add those things back in. For now, though, I'm happy with where I am and where I'm headed. I hope you are, too! I'm so grateful that I get to wake up every day and help someone, even (especially??) if that someone is me.

I also have a new beautiful little being in my life. My niece was born in early February to my brother and his beautiful wife. She and my nephew are such beautiful little beings, and they have amazing parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles to love them and teach them the ways of the world. Their smiles melt my heart, and I love being able to spend time with them!

Oh, and one more thing that I want to share about my move to White House, is that it's in the country, y'all! White House is country. There are fields with cattle and cute little white farm houses and just amazing things all around me. I went to high school in New Harmony, Indiana, a small town in the middle of the corn fields and cattle farms in the southwest corner of Indiana, and being out here feels closer to being me than I have in a long time. Here's a beautiful photo I took on my run along the country roads a couple weeks ago.

Also, I'm making things. I crocheted a pretty cool hat that I gave to my sister for the cold spell we had here in middle Tennessee, and just this past Saturday, I went to visit my mom, who was cleaning out her closet. She found a sweatshirt from a trip my high school took to Washington DC for the 1997 inauguration, and tried to give it to me. She knew I am living a more simple life now, so she wasn't offended when I said no, but couldn't bring herself to get rid of it. My brain started rolling, and I was like, "Maybe we could make a pillow out of it." An hour later, we had this:

It's now sitting on my couch, and is pretty comfy. I had no idea I could make a pillow that quickly! I'm so grateful to my grandma and mom for teaching me how to sew when I was little. Grams also taught me to crochet, although I use the internet to find a lot of the patterns now. It's amazing the things you can do when you put your mind to it. We're such strong, powerful creators when we just open ourselves up and let it flow. Just do it!

I'm going to leave you with this St. Patrick's Day blessing to pay homage to my Irish roots:

May your troubles be less

And your blessings be more

And may nothing but happiness come through your door.

Love,

Emily Rose

Yoga and Meditation Opportunities with Emily Rose:

Tuesdays 7 pm NCAT Yoga - $12

Thursdays 6 pm NCAT Meditation - suggested love offering $5-10

Fridays 1-8 pm Private Yoga or Energy Sessions - $40 if you mention this blog

Saturdays 7 am Run<3Yoga<3Love Ampitheater at Bicentennial Mall - FREE

Saturdays 4:30 pm Gentle Hot Yoga at Kali Yuga Yoga in East Nashville - $13 drop-in

And COMING SOON: Spring into Kundalini Yoga 11:30 am at Kali Yuga Yoga (a six week introduction to Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan) - $13 drop-in/$60 series

That Sunny Spot in the Distance

It's getting closer!!!

It looked so far away a few years ago!  2014 felt like a race. It felt like I needed to catch up. Catch up to what, you may ask? I wasn't sure. It just felt like I had wasted so much time that I should have spent learning and getting to know myself better that I needed to cram it all into one year. Was there some goal?  Some date that if I didn't do all of that and learn all of that within that set amount of time that my time was going to expire and I was going to lose another life? It sure felt like it!

I realized this last week that it's been almost a year since I left my job in engineering. When I left, I had no idea what I was going to do for income. I had no idea what I would do with my time. It had been so ingrained in me that in order to pay my bills and get by in this life, I had to work for someone who paid me money every week. I feel like I've spent much of the last year learning over and over that when I need money or food or gas, it will be there for me. Yes, I may have to work for it, but it doesn't have to be a regular hours for regular pay type job. It can be flexible. It can look like what I want it to look like. I've also learned that a lot of the things I was told were important when I was growing up really don't matter in the whole scheme of things. 

That said, I was approached this week with an opportunity to do some CAD (drafting) work for a coworker from my engineering life who has started his own company. It would be flexible, on my own time and in my own space. I took a couple days to think about it, because it sent me into a tailspin of thoughts like, "I can't go back there!"

Luckily, I had someone to bounce this off of who has observed and supported me through my transition out of engineering and the 40 hour work week. He talked me down off the ledge and helped me look at it from a different perspective. I have control of my hours and my life still with this opportunity because of the flexibility. It's also a good source of income that can help me take steps toward the things I love. I've also learned over the last year that the beauty of all opportunities is that just because this feels good now and I'm saying yes now doesn't tie me to that response. I can stop at any time if it starts to feel bad. I have free will. I have the ability to choose every day what feels good!  I am the only person in my life who can make these decisions for me! I'm going to tip-toe cautiously into this opportunity and see where it takes me.

And that brings me to the amazing affirmation that Rev. Dr. Mitch offered us in the service at Center for Spiritual Living Nashville last weekend. In his best preacher voice, he got up on that stage and told us to take charge of our lives. He had us repeat after him:

I love myself!  I believe in myself!  I deserve the very best this life has to offer!

He even said that we might not believe it at first but to say it anyway. You know what??  I believe it. You should, too!

I know every day that I do something good for myself, something that makes me love or believe in myself a little more that I'm getting a little closer to that sunny spot in the distance. I'm running toward it!

Much love,

Emily Rose

Courage

It took some time for me to float back down from the cloud I was on to write this for you, but I wanted to share my experience with you!  I spent 10 days on beautiful Circle F Dude Ranch in Lake Wales, Florida with some of the most beautiful and authentic human beings I have ever encountered. If you talked to me or read my blog before I left, you know that I was a little terrified going into this experience. I was scared of the changes that were going to take place. I was scared that yet another scar was going to be torn wide open for me to face again. Those feelings were gone as soon as I set foot in the Luggage tent at Winter Solstice.

First, though, let me tell you a little about my trip to get there. I booked my flight before I even committed to going to the Solstice celebration, not paying any attention at all to the 'Travel' page on the Solstice website. I looked at where the celebration was and when I saw that it was close to Tampa, I got really excited that I would be able to visit my friend, Alison, before or after the celebration. I texted Alison to make sure she would be around and then booked my flight from Nashville to Tampa. After all, Southwest was having a big sale, and I had more than enough points to pay for the flight. Well, it turned out that 3HO had an arrangement with a shuttle service to get people from Orlando to the Ranch. Shoot...

When I found this out the week before I left, I considered changing my flight into Orlando. I was way too excited about visiting with Alison, though. Then, I got a mailer from Southwest that I was getting 6,000 points for the anniversary of my card. So, I thought, no big deal!  I'll rent a car with my points when I get down there. It turns out that renting a car is way more points than I ever would have expected. So, I called Enterprise about renting a car one-way from Tampa to Lake Wales only to find out that you could only rent cars there if you had a major credit card or a valid Florida drivers license. Dang it!!!  Why didn't I bring my credit card??  

Alison and I started brainstorming ways to make this work, and she mentioned that the husband of a friend of hers might be willing to take me out there for less than the cost of a Lyft. She texted, he agreed, and a couple hours later I found myself in the car with a perfect stranger for the 1.5 hour ride to the Ranch. He was a perfectly lovely man, and we spent our time talking about yoga, religions, his shrimp boat operations, and a random assortment of other things.  The ride passed by really fast, and before you knew it, we were turning onto the Ranch. 

We took a nice tour of the Solstice operations before ending up at the Luggage tent, where I got to meet Hari Mander, a yogi from Asheville with a heart of gold and an accent to match. He explained to me the process of checking in and gave me the skinny on the best places to set up camp and sent me out to get to know the land and find the perfect spot for delivery of my luggage. 

I walked down by the lake and found the perfect spot in full view of the glory of the water. The beautiful, healing water!  

As I stood there, though, I realized it was also in full sun, which in Florida is kind of a big deal, so I found a shady spot on top of the hill instead that still had a good view of the lake.  I had my luggage delivered to this beautiful spot and set up my borrowed tent (thank you, Beck!) with my borrowed sleeping pad (thank you, Beck!) and my borrowed sleeping bag (thank you, Beck!) and admired my view.

Then, I headed back down to the Luggage tent and hung out with my new friends. I worked six hours most of the days I was down there, but even when I wasn't working, I wanted to be in that tent with those beautiful souls. One of the managers calls it Luvvage, and it is so true. That crew is so full of love!  We met every morning while we were there except the White Tantric days and did a group meditation to clear blocks and a group check-in. This was my favorite part!  We all had time to talk about how we were feeling, things that were coming up while we were there, and what we needed.

The great thing about it was that we did these check-ins in our groups, but it continued even outside the group. I could walk up to any person down there and ask how they were doing and get an authentic, honest answer that sometimes lead to discussions about the grief I still occasionally feel over the death of my Grandpa or the end of my marriage or the elation I feel when I look up at the clouds. You never knew where these conversations were going to go, but when you were in them, you didn't have anywhere else to be. Time disappeared, and the only people who existed were the two of you holding space for each other, mirroring emotions and beauty back at each other.  One day during Tantric, I came to the realization thati wanted it to be like this everywhere. I wanted to be surrounded by authentic, open-hearted, beautiful people every day. And I'm going to find a way to make that happen.

Now on to White Tantric Yoga!  The thing I dreaded the most about this trip...and realized that there's nothing there to dread!  It was three days of sitting on a pillow facing (and mostly looking into the eyes) of a partner. The first day was someone I knew (I love you, Robin!), the second day was someone I came to know while I was down there in the days leading up to Tantric (I love you, Ranjeet!), and the third day was someone I didn't know at all and may never see or talk to again (much love to the Zen Master, Gard, pictured below). 

We sat in postures, holding mudras and repeating mantras for 31 or 62 minutes each with 10-25 minute breaks in between. They were all different and were all very specifically organized to bring up issues and emotions stored in your muscles and organs. One day of White Tantric Yoga is said to be the same as six months of therapy without having to talk about it. Amazing technology!

The emotions I went through over the three days were intense, ranging from anger to loneliness to utter exaltation. One of the mantras in kundalini yoga is "God and me, me and God, are one."  I truly felt that after three days of Tantric. I felt connected. I felt the oneness. I felt the love. It was beautiful and amazing and I have no idea what I was worried about. 

That said, they strongly encouraged us to begin a 40-day practice after Tantric and to journal and that we would likely notice subtle changes over the next 40 days. I have to say that I was a little disappointed that the changes weren't immediate. At the same time, I'm immensely grateful that there are changes and that they're gentle. I have started noticing shifts in my outlook, in my thought patterns, and in my life in general. My manifestation skills have been validated several times over the last week, with increased opportunities to teach yoga and perform energy work. I've attracted more music into my life in different forms. My faith is unwavering. I'm excited about my life and the directions it's headed. I finally feel like I'm running in the right direction.

And all of this happened because I had the courage to face my fear of change. In my numerology reading from 3HO, it said that my gift is fearlessness. I talked to Alison one day when I was in Tampa about how I was scared to death about so many of the things I've done, and she told me about this amazing quote from John Wayne:

And then I came home and one of my Christmas gifts from my partner's family was this really cool key!

I've been wearing it every day since I got it, and I look forward to the day that I can pass it on to someone else who needs it.  I hope you all have the courage to face the fears that are keeping you "stuck" wherever you feel stuck. Change is a beautiful thing, and there is so much beauty in life if you just go out and live it!