Let Go and Let GOD

Everyone has a different idea of what GOD means. God for some people is the religious version of God, which may or may not be spiritual, and is often thought of as a being to be feared and obeyed. For others, God is spiritual, a being who loves us unconditionally and does not judge us or punish us. In Kundalini Yoga, GOD stands for "that force which is always Generating, Organizing and Destroying" (and/or Delivering, depending on who you're talking to). Yogi Bhajan said, "God is not living on the seventh story, and no lift goes to Him. God is you. He is your expression. He is your identity in existence. That is why God is everywhere. Because wherever you are, God is. Because wherever you generate, organize and destroy, it is a fraction of the same that is already prevailing in the universal human. Therefore, we can conclude that the human is the image, or the finite activity, of the universal activity in operation."

This past weekend was my last weekend in Kundalini Teacher Training, and it was bittersweet. I am looking at it as a beginning instead of an ending. As part of our weekends together, we always check in as a group and go over what's happened since the last training weekend. We also check out, and just go over how we're feeling after the weekend of training, and what we're looking forward to. This weekend, when we checked out, we told everyone what we were releasing and what we were taking with us from this training. I released, "Everything" and took with me, "Love, clarity and me."

My teacher training class and teachers!

I'm not sure if I've told you before, but releasing for me takes place on many levels. Spiritually, I let go. It's easy. Mentally, I let go. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it takes a lot of work. Physically, I let go. This is sometimes incredibly ugly, and my poor family got to witness it on Sunday after graduation. (I won't go into details here.) I am also feeling the physical release as a pressure on my back. The body releases energetically through the back of our chakras, so it only makes sense to feel this.

But I'm getting off track. Or maybe I'm not? Let's go back to this weekend. Our graduation ceremony was on Sunday, and we invited friends and family to join us for the ceremony. Prior to the ceremony, we set intentions for what we wanted our practice to look like that we read aloud in the ceremony. It could be any "I am..." statement, so I chose one of my favorites that came to me last year sometime, and that is "I am the healing power and presence of God's Infinite light." I think I may have heard it in a Deepak Chopra meditation at some point.

I was so grateful to see my family and friends show their support of my choice on Sunday! It was truly amazing and inspiring. 

We also selected a Yogi Bhajan quote to share at graduation. My quote has been a mantra of mine for much of this training, so it wasn't hard for me to come back to it. Yogi Bhajan said, "Let go and let GOD." This is such a good way of expressing the surrender that's needed in order to achieve a spiritual life and practice. It encourages us to go with the flow, because everything is already taken care of. Stop trying to control your life, your body, your mind and just let it be connected to the Infinite being that you already are.

You are amazing just the way you are. You don't need anyone else's approval but your own. Go play. Do what makes you happy. If something makes you happy, don't let anyone take it from you. Wake up every morning and do what brings you joy. Surround yourself in beauty and love and people who support that in you. Everything you create is beautiful. Just be you.

Love and sat nam,
Emily Rose

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

They just keep on comin! I've made yet another move into what we're calling the Summer Home. I moved in with Beck. To some, that may seem like a big move, a huge commitment to move in with someone. For those of you who know me at all or have been reading this blog for any significant amount of time, you've probably already figured out that commitment is something I struggle with right now. We're getting around this by saying it's just temporary. Hence, this is my home for the summer. In August, Beck will be moving to Cookeville, and then I will have another decision to make about whether to go with him, stay here in Nashville, or find a new home altogether. Bali is looking pretty amazing right now. Just sayin....

I knew that I was making the right move when I was on the verge of cancelling my Thumbtack account and had a request from someone in White House, approximately 6 miles from my new front door. It turned out that they're musicians who travel a lot for work, but when they're home, they want me to teach them yoga as much as possible. That was pretty life-affirming, not just in my decision to move to White House, but also in my decision to become a yoga teacher. I don't know why it makes a difference, but when someone of this stature decides to put their body and spiritual development in your hands for an hour when they're at home for such short amounts of time, it makes you think, "Hm, maybe this really is where I'm meant to be."

I feel that way every time I end a class, too. I am so humbled by the gratitude that people express on their way out, when people tell me they feel like they've just gotten a massage, when people grow on their mats. It fills my heart with love and gratitude that my path has brought me here. I've said all along that I don't feel like this is my final resting spot, but it's a pretty amazing stepping stone.

Another change that has come into my life over the last few months is the opening of the Nashville Center for Alternative Therapy (NCAT).  NCAT is a one stop shop for alternative healing modalities. They have massage, acupuncture, yoga, energy work, hypnosis, sound therapy, and so much more. The things they don't have in-house, they have a network they can refer you to. I have "office" hours there every Friday from 1-8 pm! I'm taking on clients who want to use yoga or energy work to heal their bodies and minds. It's such a great spot to be, and I'm so grateful to the owners for their love and support as I'm growing my practice.

I can't help but acknowledge another major milestone that passed last month. I quit my job as an engineer in February 2014, and almost a year later, I'm actually able to pay most of my bills with yoga and energy work. Granted I've simplified my life and purged unneccessary items, services and expenses, but I'm making it work. Eventually, I know that as my practice and clientele grows, I'll be able to add those things back in. For now, though, I'm happy with where I am and where I'm headed. I hope you are, too! I'm so grateful that I get to wake up every day and help someone, even (especially??) if that someone is me.

I also have a new beautiful little being in my life. My niece was born in early February to my brother and his beautiful wife. She and my nephew are such beautiful little beings, and they have amazing parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles to love them and teach them the ways of the world. Their smiles melt my heart, and I love being able to spend time with them!

Oh, and one more thing that I want to share about my move to White House, is that it's in the country, y'all! White House is country. There are fields with cattle and cute little white farm houses and just amazing things all around me. I went to high school in New Harmony, Indiana, a small town in the middle of the corn fields and cattle farms in the southwest corner of Indiana, and being out here feels closer to being me than I have in a long time. Here's a beautiful photo I took on my run along the country roads a couple weeks ago.

Also, I'm making things. I crocheted a pretty cool hat that I gave to my sister for the cold spell we had here in middle Tennessee, and just this past Saturday, I went to visit my mom, who was cleaning out her closet. She found a sweatshirt from a trip my high school took to Washington DC for the 1997 inauguration, and tried to give it to me. She knew I am living a more simple life now, so she wasn't offended when I said no, but couldn't bring herself to get rid of it. My brain started rolling, and I was like, "Maybe we could make a pillow out of it." An hour later, we had this:

It's now sitting on my couch, and is pretty comfy. I had no idea I could make a pillow that quickly! I'm so grateful to my grandma and mom for teaching me how to sew when I was little. Grams also taught me to crochet, although I use the internet to find a lot of the patterns now. It's amazing the things you can do when you put your mind to it. We're such strong, powerful creators when we just open ourselves up and let it flow. Just do it!

I'm going to leave you with this St. Patrick's Day blessing to pay homage to my Irish roots:

May your troubles be less

And your blessings be more

And may nothing but happiness come through your door.

Love,

Emily Rose

Yoga and Meditation Opportunities with Emily Rose:

Tuesdays 7 pm NCAT Yoga - $12

Thursdays 6 pm NCAT Meditation - suggested love offering $5-10

Fridays 1-8 pm Private Yoga or Energy Sessions - $40 if you mention this blog

Saturdays 7 am Run<3Yoga<3Love Ampitheater at Bicentennial Mall - FREE

Saturdays 4:30 pm Gentle Hot Yoga at Kali Yuga Yoga in East Nashville - $13 drop-in

And COMING SOON: Spring into Kundalini Yoga 11:30 am at Kali Yuga Yoga (a six week introduction to Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan) - $13 drop-in/$60 series

The Love of a Sister

I've had the joy this week of reconnecting with my many sisters in this life in one way or another.  My blood sister has started dating again, and she's coming to me for advice.  It's drawing us together in a way that I never thought possible for so many reasons, starting with the one where I told my parents to take her back the first time I met her in the hospital.  I don't know what was going through my 2 1/2 year old mind when I said that, but that's the mentality that has stuck with me and a stigma that has tainted my relationship with my sister for the last 32 years.

My family moved around a lot when I was growing up.  I had friends, but they came and went a lot.  I still see some of them occasionally, but the constant people in my life were my parents, my big brother (who I had an amazing relationship with) and my little sister (who was always someone I tolerated being around).  Growing up, I always found it easier to relate with my brother.  He talked enough for the both of us (I was always quiet and shy growing up), and was there for me when I needed help or needed someone to stand up for me.

My little sister was just a pest who took Mom and Dad's attention away from me, and I was a princess and deserved all of their attention!  Haha!  At least that's what my little child self always thought (maybe even still thinks??).  I built up a resentment toward my sister that usually resulted in me hurting her either physically or emotionally and then going out for a run to burn off the remaining anger I felt toward her.  Everyone always told me that as we grew up, we would grow closer, but that just never happened for us.  In my mind, she would always be that spoiled little child who demanded all of Mom and Dad's attention and love.

While I "grew up," got my degree, got a "real" job, got married, and settled into a life of goals and ambitions, I watched her struggle to find her footing jumping from one job to the next, living off (and with) mom and dad and continuing to demand all of their attention and love even as an adult.  I continued to water the resentment I held toward her and allowed it to grow into the light.

When I started seeing a therapist and started really diving into the issues with my sister, I actually started talking about the resentment I had toward her.  I would openly tell her and anyone else who would listen how miserable I was because of her.  This only started to lighten when she started to "grow up."  She really started working on herself and figured out what she wanted to do with her life.  She wanted to go to nanny school.  At this point, Mom and Dad were refusing to pay for yet another round of training for a job she would work for a few months and realize that it wasn't what she wanted to do.  For some reason, it felt right for me to help her.  I cosigned on a student loan for her to attend English Nanny and Governess School, and she went through with it.  I was so proud of her the day I went up to Chagrin Falls, Ohio to watch her graduate and get her Nanny Certification.  She got an amazing job with a family in Chicago, and I really felt like she was getting her life together.  There were a couple of hiccups along the way, but she stuck with the nanny gig and was really good at it.

When I got divorced and quit my job, however, I started to resent her again, because she lived off my parents for so long.  When I wanted their help, though, they told me to get a job or maybe I shouldn't have quit the job I had.  I couldn't understand why it was okay for her to work through all of her stuff with their help, and it wasn't okay for me to be without a job and try to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  And one day, they started helping me.  They bought me food and toilet paper and paper towels, and asked what else I needed.  This somehow helped to melt away some of the resentment I felt toward my sister.

Then, she started going to school.  She had tried school before that didn't last, so I wasn't sure how serious she was this time.  For some reason, though, this time was different.  She's finishing up her second semester, and I couldn't be more proud of her for the woman she's becoming.  She even helped me get a job as a nanny to an adorable little boy who I'm helping raise into an amazing and loving toddler.  She started dating recently and reached out to me for advice, and I feel like we're finally starting to relate the way that sisters are meant to relate.

On Sunday, we went to breakfast and then to service at the Center for Spiritual Living Nashville.  One of the songs that they sang during service was "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips.  I don't know a single 30-something girl who didn't have that song on cassette when they were little, not to mention the amazing homage to the song at the end of the movie "Bridesmaids".  Let me interject by saying that every service I have been to at the Center has made me cry at least once; tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of loss, tears at how beautiful the young souls are who get up and do their affirmations at the beginning of service and then the song about them being a big, shiny light that we sing as they leave to go off to their youth activities during the rest of service.

Well, of course "Hold On" made me cry, because for some reason, this was the week that I felt like I needed a break from all of the work I was doing.  I am scared shitless about the journey I am embarking on as I go into another Kundalini training weekend followed by a week at Kundalini Winter Solstice Sadhana Celebration, not to mention not knowing where my life is going.  When they sang the words, "I know that there is pain, but you hold on for one more day, and you break free from the chains," I couldn't help but tear up knowing that it was a sign that my time is coming.  Every sign I've gotten this week has told me this same thing; given me this same message.  At the end of service, they always sing a song as people are walking out, and "Hold On" was that song.  My sister and I channeled our inner "bridesmaids" and joined the Music Ministry as we danced along in our pew, a little more of that resentment melting away.  I think that might have been the closest I've ever felt to my sister, and I'm glad to have deepened that bond.

Today, I shared that same love with a different kind of sister, a soul sister.  We all have people who we come into this life knowing, and I have had the wonderful opportunity to reconnect with many of my soul sisters, thanks to a beautiful soul named Kim Salter, who facilitates a Sisterhood Circle in East Nashville.  It is a beautiful gathering of sensitive, strong and amazing women who come together to hold space for each other and really listen in a way that facilitates healing.  This is an amazing group, because how often are you really heard in your life?  As someone working on my expression and opening myself and my voice, it is very important for me to feel heard at a soul level.  These women offer that for me, and the friendships and bonds extend out past the weekly circle, as well.  If this is something you feel is missing in your life, you can learn more about Circle on Kim's LIFE.Designed Facebook page here.

I also had the amazing opportunity today to connect with two of my friends from my engineering days who have seen me through a lot of the inner turmoil and helped me through the worst days and still love and support me through the changes I'm experiencing in my life.  I'm so grateful to have such amazing friends and such amazing lunches to remind me of that connection.  The friendship I share with those women is so much more than any of the friendships I've ever had, and I'm so grateful for the growth I've gotten to witness in their lives and relationships.

And coming back to that little bit where I talked about messages and signs that have come to me this week, I want to talk a little bit about RunYogaLove.  Beck and I have been running almost every Saturday since I started it in September in the hopes that someone will join us.  It hasn't been a big deal that we haven't had others with us yet, because it was kind of fun having each other to run with and having him there made me feel less tied to any kind of results or growth or expectations I had in starting it.

The last two weekends, however, Beck ran in a half marathon and went to visit family, so I ran by myself.  I used to love running by myself.  It was a fun way for me to explore the city and enjoy the weather and the scenery.  For some reason, the last two Saturdays were really hard for me and brought up a lot of my feelings of not being enough.  Am I not trying hard enough to spread the word?  Am I not likeable enough for people to want to run with me?

Before you freak out and start reaching out to make sure I'm okay, I know this is not true.  I know that I am enough and that I am beautiful and perfect in every way.  We all have our moments, though, right?  It triggered a lot of my "not enough" mentality that I have struggled with most of my life.  It has been a great opportunity for me to work on that, and I am so appreciative that I have had that opportunity.  As I was questioning why I'm doing it, I kept getting the message that I should keep going.  Keep running.  Keep showing up.

I'm ready for you to join me, though!  I will be in teacher training this weekend and out of town December 14-25, but I look forward to seeing you all on the road at 6:30 am on Saturday, December 27th to run off those holiday cookies!

Much love,
Emily Rose

Give Thanks, Lack is Just an Illusion

It really is.  Lack is an illusion that we create when we forget or just stop being grateful for the beautiful things that come into our lives.  This is yet another lesson that I have learned several times over the last year, well, really over my life.

Let's talk about money for a minute.  It's something that we are taught from a young age that we can't live without.  It's something that we're taught to keep track of, spend wisely, only buy things you have money for, don't use credit cards, and so many other things. So, what happens when we don't have enough, or at least think we don't?  We freak out!

I spent a very large part of my life tracking every penny I spent.  I put Microsoft Money on my computer and sat down at the end of every day and input my spending for the day.  My budget was tracked on there and my bills were tracked in there so that I knew exactly where every one of my hard-earned pennies was going.  The fun part about this was when we were on a debt repayment plan and could watch the debt charts decreasing as the savings increased.  The not-so-fun part about this was that I was spending at least 30 minutes of every day obsessing about money and worrying about where everything was going.  It kept me from living my life the way I wanted to live it.

Oh my gosh, over the last couple years, I threw all of that out the window.  I did everything the exact opposite of what they told me to do!  You know what??  Who cares?  I could beat myself up.  I could moan and complain about how I don't have enough money to go get a pedicure or go out to lunch with a friend or whatever.  Or I could just forget all that and find gratitude for the things I have.  I have amazing friends who want to have lunch with me, and I have lunch with them when it's meant to happen, even if I'm only buying a $2 cup of soup while they buy lavish meals.  I don't let things like this stop me from enjoying the camaraderie and love I feel when I'm surrounded by some of my favorite people.

At some point over the last five years, my therapist recommended I start a Gratitude Journal.  It's not a new idea (Oprah does it!), but it is a life changer.  The idea is to find at least three things throughout the day that you're grateful for.  There are Facebook Pages devoted to this concept where you can login and share the things you're grateful for.  There are accountability coaches who check in with you every day to make sure you've logged your gratitudes.  At first, I was writing them down in an actual journal.  In the last few months, I've actually started a text string now with my family, and pretty much every day, we list three things we're grateful for.  It sometimes doesn't happen a few days in a row when we're very busy, but when we need it, it's there for us.  The changes I can see in my outlook, and the group outlook is amazing after just a few days in a row of logging our gratitudes.

Along those same lines, a few years ago, I noticed that a work friend of mine was posting things she was thankful for every day during the month of November.  It's such a neat practice leading up to Thanksgiving that I have adopted it, too!  Taking those few minutes every day to just stop and feel sincere gratitude for something or someone amazing in my life (and isn't it all amazing??), brings me into my body, into a state of well-being, into a state of gratitude and really improves my outlook and my mood.  This has been a game-changer for me, so I wanted to share it with you.  This Thursday, when the turkey and stuffing are on the table, take a minute to look around and give thanks for the people sitting at your table.  Maybe you can even take a minute to speak out loud the things you're grateful for in each of those people.  And don't forget to give thanks to the Universe (I use this interchangeably with what you may call God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Yaweh) for bringing the abundance of food, people, and prosperity (whatever you're feeling grateful for) into your life.

And at this point, you've probably already forgotten about your lack (or the illusion that society has created).  If not, don't give up yet!  Since it's an illusion, all it takes is just another perspective, so here are some more helpful tools that I've collected over the last few years.

1. "Need" implies lack. Just the words that we use can create situations in our lives.  There have been studies that show that some words have higher frequencies that make us happy, and some have lower frequencies that make us heavy, sad or depressed.  "Need" is one of those words that I'm working to eliminate from my vocabulary.  If I catch myself using it, I'll stop and change my statement from "I need that shirt." to "I want that shirt."  Am I really lacking that shirt?  No.  What would happen if I didn't have that shirt?  Not much, really.  So, I really do "want" that shirt, not "need" it.  So, I find the beauty in the shirts that I already have, and I attract more of those into my life.  This works for everything, shirts were just an easy example.
2. This brings me to my next tool, The Law of Attraction.  If you haven't heard of it yet, you can read about it here, but this is my take on it.  Basically, what you focus on brings more of that into your life.  So, what happens when you focus on the "lack" in your life?  You'll bring more of that in.  Which brings us full circle back to gratitude.  What happens when you show gratitude for the things you already have in your life?  You're going to bring more of that into your life.
3. Which brings me to the next tool: affirmations.  There are so many out there, but one that I'm using right now is, "I am now open to receive the loving gifts that the Universe brings to me and to everyone."  I think this may have come from Doreen Virtue, but I don't remember exactly where it came into my life.  I have a reminder set on my phone to sit with this affirmation every morning after my daily practice.  There are so many others out there that I could share, but one will come to you that resonates with you.  When you find it, sit with it.  Love it.  Let it help you.
4. Another great tool is meditations and mantras.  Meditation recently brought so many good things into my life. For me, it was the Kundalini Meditation for Prosperity II.  It came into my life when I was at a low point financially, and it has already started to bring so much good into my life after just a week of practicing it.  I can't wait to see what else it brings. (Something I want to point out here, though, is that the good comes in different ways for everyone.  It might not be someone on the street handing you money, although that could totally happen. Let's not rule it out completely.  For me, it is coming in ideas or offers for me to help others on their journey in exchange for funds.  I am forming new relationships almost every day that are bringing in new opportunities, and for each of those relationships and opportunities, I am so very grateful!)
5. Make way for more good to come into your life. Get rid of the clutter.  I am reminded of this almost every day.  My healer shared with me in one of my classes that we should remove 7 things from our home every day.  At first, I thought there was no way I would be able to maintain that for an extended period of time, but even after the mass purges that happened last year when I sold my house, I am still able to maintain this.  It is absolutely amazing how much stuff we bring into our homes every day.  Go through your purse or wallet.  I'd be willing to bet there are seven things in there that you could get rid of right now.  You don't have to just donate it or throw it in the garbage.  Sell it, have a garage sale or list it on Craigslist or Ebay.  And then, just notice how much lighter you feel when it's gone.  And then notice what good things come into your life in its place.  (Just a little side note here, if there's something that makes you sad to get rid of, hold onto it for another minute.  Ask yourself what it is about that thing that you're holding on to.  There might be some emotions attached to it that you need to process before you can release it.  This might be a good opportunity to ask for help in your releasing.  If you need it, I'd be happy to refer you to someone.  I have a network of people who can help!)

So, I'm going to wrap this up by making note of three things that I'm grateful for today.

1. I'm grateful for the sun that shines even on cloudy days.
2. I'm grateful for the Nashville Center for Alternative Therapies, and the healing opportunities, relationships and earning potential it has brought into my life and will continue to bring. (Check out their Indiegogo campaign here.  You can get some great services and help fund the center at the same time!)
3. I'm grateful for my family and friends who continue to support me through my awakening and have brought many blessings and lessons into my life.

Universe, thank you for providing everything I want when I want it.  Thank you for the blessings you have bestowed upon me and the entire human race.  I now open my arms to receiving the loving gifts that the Universe brings to me and to everyone.

Much love,
Emily Rose

P.S. I have secured an indoor space for RunYogaLove! Details will be posted on the Facebook page soon!  I'll see you all this Saturday for a beautiful sunrise run/walk and yoga!

Lesson of the Week - Ask for Help!

This has been a crazy ride, and I'm so glad that it's slowing down a little.  This week has been a great lesson for me on when to ask for help.  In some cases, I latched on to it and learned from it; in others, not so much, but Universe, I hear you!  I'm a little sad to say, actually, that I've been taught this lesson before, and it didn't stick, so please, dear God, let it stick this time.  And for you readers out there, ask for help before you need it!!!

Lesson #1 - Don't ever deposit cash into an ATM

Yes, I was that girl who drove up to the bank on Tuesday, December 11 (a.k.a. Veteran's Day) and realized that it was a bank holiday.  I had money (a huge wad of cash) I needed to get in there before I paid my mortgage on Friday (which - yes - was a little overdue, but that's a story for another time).  I turned my car toward the drive-through ATM, because I noticed the last few times I used it that they had a different system that allows you to put bills in, counts it and puts it right into your account.  That's exactly the way it happens, right?  However, on Tuesday, I dutifully counted out my 40 bills that it would allow me to put in and held on to the others for Round 2.  Round 1 was a knockout, though, and I didn't fare so well.  The ATM took my money fine, counted it so-so, decided that some of the bills were unreadable (whatever that means) and proceeded to attempt to spit my money back out at me so that I could put it back in for a second count.  My money never came back out!  And then...it cancelled my transaction.  Geesh!

I was shocked!  I had never had this happen before, the bank was closed, and I had no idea what to do.  So, I sat in front of the ATM and called the 1-800 number listed on the machine while cars behind me waited.  I could see the frustration growing on the drivers behind me, so once I was on hold, I got out of my car (still parked in front of the ATM) and walked back to let them know the situation and also to let them know that I was not leaving the ATM until I knew that it was not going to spit my money out to the lucky customer behind me.  The other drivers rolled their eyes and drove off in search of another ATM mumbling something about people being crazy enough to put cash in an ATM.

When someone finally came on the line to help me, they assured me that my money was safely inside the ATM and was not going to come back out.  They then proceeded to send me to the claims/fraud prevention department so that I could file a claim.  The lovely gentlemen in the fraud department took my information and, reading from his script, informed me that it would be up to 10 days before my account was credited if they found that my claim was accurate.  That was all the information he had, and that was all the help he was going to give me.

"What about my bills?  I have to pay my bills on Friday!"  I pleaded with the man.

To which he responded that I could pay them, and the bank may refund any overdraft fees.  MAY refund overdraft fees.  Let me get this straight, your ATM is holding my cash hostage, you're not going to give it back for 10 days (more than a week!), and you may reimburse overdraft fees if they incur?  How did this happen??  How did banks get so out of control and so distant??  I decided not to fight with the accented man on the phone and walk into the branch on Thursday to talk to someone face-to-face, mano a mano.  This was the soonest I could do it, because I work on Wednesday the same hours the bank is open.

Wednesday morning rolled around, and I couldn't resist calling the branch to check in.  The lovely woman who answered the phone listened patiently to my story and then informed me that they have no control over such things and that I would have to call the claims/fraud department at the 1-800 number.  Would I like that number?  W...T...F???  I informed her that I had already done that, and asked if they didn't have a way to get into the ATM and get my money out.  She said that even if they could, they couldn't just put my money back in my account without going through the fraud/claims department.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm glad they have these policies in place to discourage fraud, but there are some honest people in the world who are being hurt by these policies!

Then, like any scorn member of the general public, I proceeded to open my Facebook account and ask if friends had a small, local bank they used that I could switch to.  I didn't give any information about the bank, just that they were holding over $1k of my money hostage in their ATM.  Several hours later, I received a text from Beck letting me know that a friend of ours has a person at one of the other branches who said she could help and she would be there until 7. (Apparently there are still branches inside grocery stores, and they're open hours that other branches aren't.  Who knew??)  Thank goodness for social media!  The heavens opened up, the angelic choir sang, I got the info and beelined straight there after work.

The woman turned out to be the assistant manager of the branch and was incredibly helpful and informative, and ended up getting a better idea of a timeline as well as helped me get cash out to pay my mortgage.  She also asked if I needed any extra funds to tide me over until my money was back where it should be, to which I said, "I have become an expert at not spending money."  This will come back up in Lesson #2, so hold on to that for a minute.  So, Lesson #1 - Don't deposit money into an ATM also turned out to be Ask for Help!

Lesson #2 - Don't let your gas tank go below 1/8 tank!

Y'all know that little "range" feature they put on cars now that tells you how many miles you can drive before your gas tank goes dry?  Well, I live by mine.  When I was spending money as if it had no value, I made sure my tank didn't go below the 100 mile range.  When I started getting a little tighter, I cut back to the 25 mile range.  Well, when I was asked if I needed extra cash, I was at about 45 miles remaining.  I also didn't think about the fact that my account was going to be in the overdraft category until my money is back in there, which meant that I wouldn't be able to use my debit card to refill my tank.  Even when I realized that I couldn't use my card, I thought I would make it through the weekend of training and would be able to get to the gas station on Monday when my money was back or at least I could get over to get some more cash from that beautiful woman at the bank.

Thursday, I was ok.  Friday, I was down to 11 miles to go when I left for training in the morning.  It's only 4 miles to training.  I debated walking, but it was cold, and I had bags with books and so many other excuses not to.  So, I set off to the studio without thinking that I had to go home for lunch (no cash and all I had to eat needed to be warmed up).  On my way back to the studio, I actually turned the digital display to something else, told myself I had another 30 miles to go and prayed that I would make it to the studio without being stranded on the side of the road.  It worked!

During training, I couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to get home, so I texted Beck.  He had just set up a night with the niece and nephew and wasn't going to be able to pick me up from the studio because he had to run home first.  I then texted my mom, whom I've been desperately trying to convince that I was okay and making it on my own and didn't need help.  In my mind, by sending this text, I was admitting defeat.  It was one of the hardest texts I've had to send.  And, of course, her response was that she would absolutely help me however she could.  She showed up at the studio at 6 pm with a gas can and some cash for me to go to the gas station on my way home and a little extra in case I needed it.  That woman is a saint!  She doesn't like driving at night, and she did that for me because I was too proud to ask for help before I needed it.  She works her butt off at a job where she doesn't get paid anywhere near what she's worth, because she loves what she does, and she willingly handed over cash to me.  All because she loves me unconditionally.  I just wish I could have asked for help before it was so pressing.  So, Lesson #2 - Don't let your gas tank get below 1/8 tank is also a mama's love is unconditional and ask for help before you need it.

Lesson #3 - Talk to your roommate!

My roommate is amazing!  We have a great relationship.  We both bake, so there's more flour in this condo than any two people should rightly possess.  He has cats and takes really good care of mine when I'm not here.  He loves live music and loves sharing that with people close to him.  He exposed me to Bonnaroo (a.k.a. The Land of Happy).  And he took me in when I wanted to be back in Nashville.  He doesn't judge anyone and tells it straight, regardless of who he's talking to.  He's authentic and bold and just really pretty refreshing in a world of people pleasers and ladder climbers.  Before and while we've lived together, I've talked to him about everything except finances.  When I realized that I was behind on the majority of my bills and not really sure how I was going to catch back up, I started exploring the idea of moving in with my parents just to catch up.  The idea of telling him made me feel sad and nervous.  The idea of moving again made me feel sad and a little stressed.  When I finally got up the nerve to tell my roommate that I was going to have to move out, he offered me options that would help me catch up and be able to stay in what has become my home.  Like I said, he's amazing!  So, Lesson #3 - Talk to your roommate became yet another example of how it's ok to ask for help.

Lesson #4 - Ask for Help from the Angels!

I have learned over the last few years that the Law of Free Will prevents the angels from helping unless we ask for it and also to speak about it as if it's already there.  Even braced with that knowledge, I still forget to ask for help sometimes.  I was reminded twice this weekend at training that I can ask for help with my finances.  The Kundalini way of asking for help is through meditation.  The Meditation for Prosperity (II) was brought up to me twice by two different people in two completely different circumstances this weekend, so I decided to add it to my daily sadhana.  I started it yesterday morning, and already yesterday afternoon, I received messages that my finances were improving.  Remember Doreen Virtue's Angel Numbers from my previous post?  Well, this is what I saw on the license plate in front of me at the stop light last night!

A beautiful sign from the Angels that all is well!

Today, I received a request from a friend to house-sit.  I also received guidance yesterday that I need to revise my yoga resume and distribute it to studios to get more classes on the books.  I was given the time today to do that.  I had a referral for a private yoga client last week.  I am forming a new relationship with the Nashville Center for Alternative Therapies.  I am teaching the refugee and immigrant children yoga twice this week.  So, Lesson #4 - Ask for Help from the Angels becomes ask for help and you shall receive it.  Just listen to and follow the guidance they provide!

I'm so grateful for all of these lessons!  I'm grateful for my increased cash flow, and I'm grateful for the medium to share these lessons and knowledge with you.  Thank you so much for sticking with me through all of this!  It was a long one!  I hope you've enjoyed it, and maybe there's a lesson for you in there somewhere.

There will be no RunYogaLove this weekend while Beck and I are taking a trip to northern Georgia to celebrate one year together.  I am so in love with this man! I'll be back at it on November 29, so join me to burn off the calories from Thanksgiving!

Much love,
Emily Rose

The Great Spiritual Teacher, Siri Avtar Kaur

In Kundalini Yoga, when you're a serious practitioner, you can apply to 3HO (Happy, Healthy, Holy Organization) to get your spiritual name.  When I started reading in my text book about spiritual names, I thought it would be kind of neat to have one, so I got on the website and did some research.  According to Yogi Bhajan, "You are all here; we’ll share with you every moment of your life, and we will ask you to understand your spiritual incarnation and your spiritual name, and try to find out the strength to live it.  Without finding that strength to live your spiritual identity, life will be a waste, and we don’t want it to be wasted."

It also said to only apply if you were serious and going to use the name.  Hmmm...I wasn't sure at the time how serious I was or whether I was ready for my name yet.  However, after talking to one of my teachers after class one night, she encouraged me to go for it.  I got on the website again, put in my name, gender, birthday, a little information about myself and made a donation to the organization.  A few days later, I received an email with my spiritual name.  Here's what it said:

You have been blessed to live as Siri Avtar Kaur, the Princess/Lioness of God who embodies spiritual greatness through her ability to teach and guide others.

Siri means great.  Avtar is incarnation, embodiment, manifestation, spiritual teacher.  Kaur is a name that all women receive - the Princess/Lioness of God who walks with grace and strength throughout her life.  Yogi Bhajan taught that every woman has the potential to attain this divine state and encouraged all to manifest it.

Use the rich vibrational capacity of your name, Siri Avtar Kaur, to manifest your soul’s gift – that you can easily become the embodiment of a greatness that gives you the ability to teach and guide others.  Remember God with every breath to allow you to manifest who you really are.  In this way you will effortlessly uplift and guide those around to look to their highest consciousness.

The power of your spiritual name is that the more you speak and hear it, the more it permeates your being, opening you to experience its nadh (universal inner sound current). Consciously merge with the vibration of the nadh to come into harmony with your highest destiny.

Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh! Oh my GOSH!  I got my spiritual name!  I was like a little kid on Christmas the day it came. I wanted to tell the world and let them know that

I have a spiritual name!!!

Wait...that's a little intense.  The Great Spiritual Teacher??  What does that mean??  What am I supposed to do??  What am I meant to teach?  Am I really all that great?  Who am I to teach anything??  What if I don't know enough to teach?  STOP! (This is actually a really effective way to stop the self doubt and negative self talk.  If you haven't tried it yet, you should!) Take a breath!  Everything I've learned so far has taught me to have faith; to know that I am taken care of; to know that I'm taking the steps in the right direction; to know that there's a bigger plan and a reason that I'm here.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'm already doing it!  I'm finding my way to my divine purpose using my divine path every day.  Every breath, every step, every move, every training is taking me one step closer.  Every time I am grateful for something in my life, every time I share that gratitude with someone else, I am learning and I am teaching by sharing that gift with the world.

That said, every time someone has told me in the last year that I was an inspiration to them, I was terrified. What if they fail? What if they don't find the joy in it that I have? What if? What if? What if?? Then I take a breath, and I remember that whatever they do, whatever choices they make, it is their path.  It is their step in the direction of their divine life purpose.  It is their karma to learn in this lifetime.

I am nowhere near being The Great Spiritual Teacher yet, and I know you can't become a great teacher without having great teachers.  I have had way too many teachers to begin to individually list all of them today, but I will give thanks to them in my own way and in my own time.  I have one who I would like to thank today right here, right now.  Ron Browning, my voice coach who I found through the Nashville Jazz Workshop (amazing place, you should check it out), shared with me in one of my first lessons last year that I am just God's instrument and to let the sound flow through me.  It helped me have the confidence to stand up in front of the class and sing, which is something I hadn't done in years, and it has helped me dramatically in my yoga.  I have used that before every yoga class I have ever taught.  When I don't feel like I have the knowledge, the courage or the strength to teach a class, I say to myself, "I am God's instrument.  Please help me give these students what they need today." And then I relax and let it flow, and I know that whatever I'm teaching them is what they are meant to learn in that specific moment.

I will continue to learn more every day so that I can be a better teacher.  I am so honored to continue to share my lessons with you in the hopes that they will help you in some way, and I have a favor to ask of you in return.  The neat thing about spiritual names is that the more you say them and the more people say them to you, the more you grow into that vibration.  So, the next time you see me (if it resonates with you) please feel free to call me by my spiritual name, Siri Avtar Kaur, and I will do my best to grow into it.

Much love and sat nam,
Siri Avtar Kaur (a.k.a. Emily Rose)

My Next Step

When I thought of the title of this blog, I was thinking that it meant the next step in my life, and we'll definitely go into that, but as I started to type, I thought of how many times I've been running and thought to myself, "Just think of my next step as the first step."  Or, "My next step is going to be an amazing one."  Or maybe, "How am I going to get past this next step??"  When you're struggling and tired, thinking about that next step and placing it perfectly can make all the difference in the world.

That said, when I was struggling in my life, I realized that I believe in angels.  They're everywhere around me - guiding me, protecting me, watching over me and giving me advice when I ask for it.  Doreen Virtue is one of those people who showed up in my life when I needed her.  Her angel cards and angel numbers books have been a staple in my life for several years now.  Part of what she talks about in her books is signs from the angels and how to interpret them.  I downloaded her Angel Numbers app on my phone, and use it when I'm sitting at a red light to look up the numbers I see on license plates.  For a long time, the messages I was getting were to stay positive and expect positive outcomes.  After my thinking changed, I started seeing messages that said I'm on the right track.  Then, I started seeing messages telling me that I need to focus completely on a spiritually based career.  I'm still not sure completely what that looks like or what that means, but I'm still getting those messages that I'm on the right path and to keep moving forward and keep going.  To keep up!

Which brings me to sharing my next step in my journey.  This morning, I saw the number 979, which brings the message, "Your decision to completely focus on your spiritually based career is correct."  I started Kundalini Level I teacher training last month at Kundalini Rising.  It was something I signed up for last fall or winter and it got postponed because they didn't have enough people sign up.  My options were to travel to Asheville every month or to wait until this fall.  When this fall came around, I had completely forgotten about the training and that I had already paid in full for the classes.

I got an email one day talking about how excited they were to see me in the studio on Friday of that week.  I panicked.  I work on Friday!  I teach yoga on Saturdays!  How was I going to make this work?  I talked to my employer, and it was too short notice for me to get off on Friday.  I sent a hopeful email to my fellow yoga instructors to see if anyone could sub my class for me.  I looked for excuses not to go, sending an email to the studio owner asking if I was paid, because I couldn't pay for the classes right now; asking if it was okay to miss the first Friday of training, because I couldn't get off work on such short notice.  I thought to myself that if she said no, I just wasn't going to do the training this time around.  I was resisting the idea of the training.  I was scared.  I knew deep down at a soul level that this training was going to change me, and we all resist change to some extent, no matter whether it's good or bad.

Once I had completely talked myself out of the training, I received an email back saying that yes, I was paid in full, and yes, it was okay for me to miss Friday.  "We'll see you on Saturday."  Yikes!  This is happening; I'm committed.  That Saturday, I sucked up every drop of courage I had and walked into the studio, part of me kicking and screaming and grabbing onto the doorways with legs flailing the whole way in.  We practiced Kundalini that day, and I hadn't practiced in almost a year.  The next morning, I woke up at 3:30 to make it to the 5 a.m. Sadhana (daily practice that's meant to start before the sun rises), something I had never even heard of before I started this training.  My stomach was churning.  My solar plexus felt like it was having its own little solar flares, and I almost didn't go.  I'm glad I went, though.  I'm seeing changes, and they're good.  I can breathe again, and I didn't realize that even in my vinyasa classes, I hadn't been taking full, long, deep breaths.  It feels good to breathe.

I went back this weekend for more training, and it was challenging in a very different way.  We practiced a kriya (set of exercises and breathing) Saturday morning called the Sat Nam Kriya as part of the Surya (Sun) Kriya, and then again Saturday afternoon.  It was really hard for me.  I struggled with it a lot, almost as much as I did when I first starting taking hot classes in my vinyasa teacher training last fall.  When I walked into Sadhana Sunday morning, we did the same kriya in the same set from Saturday morning.  I was angry.  I was challenged.  I found myself dedicated to the practice, even though I hated every second of it.  When we finished, I found myself smiling and laughing at how angry I was.  I was uplifted.  I left my anger on the mat and enjoyed the rest of my day.  Every month of our training, we have homework.  I found out yesterday that this month, it's a set that includes Sat Nam Kriya, and a meditation for the heart.  As I prepared myself for the kriya, I found myself excited about it.  I knew it was going to be challenging.  I knew it was going to bring up some emotions/anger, but I was excited for the changes it was going to bring.  I can't wait to practice it again today, and the day after, and the day after until we meet again.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Kundalini practice, it's an ancient practice that was brought to the states by a man named Yogi Bhajan.  It's a practice to bring you to a state of higher awareness, higher consciousness.  It's a beautiful practice that allows you to go through  your day smiling instead of noticing and reacting to anything that's happening around you.  It's a journey.  It helps you smile more and keep up.  I would love to share it with you sometime.  Just ask!

So, this is my next step on my journey.  I'll keep you posted on the changes that happen over the next several months, but for now, I would love for you to join me on my adventure of running and yoga.  Every Saturday, we meet at 6:30 am at the ampitheater in Bicentennial Mall for a 30 minute run/walk, and then a 50-60 minute yoga practice.  You set the pace, so come on out for a little RunYogaLove.

Much love and Sat Nam,
Emily Rose