Don't Go Down There! It's Dark and Scary!

I'm sure you've heard this before from your mom or grandma or babysitter or maybe just some random adult type who happened to be passing by when you were considering crawling through that storm drain when you were little. Or maybe you were like me and storm drains and clowns scared the crap out of you because you watched Stephen King's "It" with your older brother. I mean, seriously, I couldn't sleep at night with that book on my shelf staring at me. But I digress.

I've been spending a lot of time in deep thought recently, trying to figure out my next step and which idea to grab onto and run with. Well, while I was thinking, it occurred to me that I was on one path for a long time, and it was the path that was well-traveled, safe and secure. It turned out not to be so great, and along the way, I've had moments where I could have chosen another path, maybe one that was a little dark and scary and unknown. I didn't choose those paths, because I listened to the people around me and avoided the dark and scary and unknown. I'm realizing now, though, that even though those paths were dark and scary and unknown, they're nothing compared to the work I've done over the last couple years, hacking my way through the deep woods without even a tiny little path to follow and some crazy noises and lions and tigers and bears, oh my! So this is what it looked like in my head as I was having this stream of thought.

Crazy, huh? And that little heart there is me.

When we start our lives, we have all of this information that we bring in with us, mainly unconditional love and joy and wonderment at the world around us. As we grow older, we have people instill a healthy (or sometimes not so healthy) fear of certain things in our lives. Healthy fears are the ones where they tell us not to touch the stove because it's hot or not to cross the road when there's a car coming. Healthy, right?

Okay, so for unhealthy fears, I'm thinking things like, "Don't talk to strangers." Yes, sometimes that's good, but not all strangers are bad. And how many times have you not talked to someone who might change your life for the good just because they were a stranger? There's no way to know, right? Other unhealthy fears are not being good enough at what we're trying to do or not being loved or not having enough or whatever it is that's keeping you from choosing the path and the purpose that you came here to live. Anyway, here we are at the start of our journey, choosing the path of love (my path) or the path of fear (the path well-traveled).

Yikes! Which path do we choose??

For most of my generation and the generations before me, the choice was the path well-traveled. We went down that path and made money and bought the things everyone told us we needed like a car and a house (so that we could be stable and secure and be able to drive to the job that we have to have in order to pay for the things that we have) and other things we accumulate along the way. We may hit some bumps in the road that come at just the right time to choose that dark, scary path through the woods, but it's dark and scary and unknown and we've been warned about those paths. There are things down those paths that could hurt us. Murderers hiding in the bushes or poisonous snakes or spiders or tree frogs! So we continue down the well-traveled path.

Don't go down that path!

As we continue down that well-traveled path, maybe we start to realize that we don't feel quite right. (Or if you're like me, don't feel at all.) One day, we may get a blow to the gut so intense that we start to wake up, to look at things that are happening around us and to us and realize that even though we created this life, it isn't exactly what we want right now. For me, that blow to the gut was the day I found out that my ex-husband was posting and replying to personal ads on Craigslist. As I read through email after email after email (some with pictures!), I literally felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. That was my wake up call. I was already seeing a therapist at this point, so she helped me through the emotions that came up through all of this. Between her, my yoga instructors, acupuncturist and energy healer, I waded through it.

It may be something completely different for you. I hope it is! Maybe it's something a little less dramatic, or maybe you're paying a little more attention to the signs along the way that tell you not to fall asleep at the wheel. Or maybe it's something worse, but I promise you that someone has been there before, right where you are. And this brings us to our second dark, scary path. Do you stay? Or do you go? Do you stay in this life that you've chosen, on this well-traveled path because at least you know what it looks like? Or do you leave and choose the unknown, dark, scary path?

Do I stay or do I go?

I chose to stay. I chose to see if we could work it out. Maybe he would change. Maybe I could be okay with it. Maybe things will get better if I just keep working on myself and finding who I am, that beautiful soul who has been covered up with layers and layers of other people's beliefs of who I should be. But what about what I want? When I did my exercises and worked on myself at home, he got upset because he said they were making me self-centered. What he didn't realize was that that was the point. I wasn't going to live my life for someone else anymore. I wanted to live it for me. At this point, I had missed my next (and last??) dark, scary cut through path that would lead me to my path.

Oh no! Now what do I do??

I could hear the wolves howling in the distance, but friends held my hand as I made the decision to cut through the deep woods to find my way to my path. It's been quite the journey, let me tell you. At first it was light brush, nothing I couldn't navigate. Eventually, though, I got into the deep stuff, with vines growing everywhere that I had to break through. I lost a lot of people along the way. There was no way they were walking through these woods with me. Some of them have come back in one way or another as I'm hacking my way through.

The healing I've done along the way has been riddled with dark and scary things from my past that I had completely forgotten about. Repeating patterns have been exposed to me over and over until I chose to respond to them in different ways. But I'll tell you what...those layers and layers of beliefs have lifted. The layers of protection I had placed over my heart have peeled back one by one and revealed my true desires, my true self. The self I knew when I was a child.

I'm coming out of the darkness now, and one thing that I've realized is that those wolves howling in the distance is my pack, my tribe, whatever you choose to call them. I didn't meet them until after I made that decision to dive into the deep end. They showed up and lit up my life and we have helped each other lift those layers and discover who we truly are. They're those people in my life who have looked at me in all my imperfection and darkness and loved me anyway. They're the people I can't imagine my life without, the people I can see myself growing old with. The sense of acceptance and community that I feel even when we're not together has been the light that I've carried with me through the darkest spots in the woods.

Hanging out with my pack in the woods

I can see the light now, and the brush is getting thinner again. I know that I'm coming out of the woods and onto the path that I'm meant to be on. The end goal is getting more and more clear, and the only thing that's really clear right now is that it will be full of love and community and water. There will be water, and a lot of it. A large body of water of some type. I'm being called back to it now. I feel calm when I think of it, and my next journey will be a journey of discovery to find that place where I'm meant to settle down and grow my roots.

Not the end, but the place where my heart will live forever.

I know that that place will be a place of unconditional love and acceptance, both for myself and for others. I hope that you'll join me on this path! And know that as you run away from that well-traveled path that maybe you're not running away so much as running toward the place you're meant to be.

I wish I could give credit to the person who created this, but I have no idea where it came from!

I want to leave you with this. Just because something is unknown does not mean it's bad or wrong. I encourage you to take that dark scary path, because going through the deep woods is not fun. However, if you find yourself there in those deep dark woods, know that you're not alone. You have a pack, a tribe, who has been there waiting for you, and ya know what?? They have a flashlight!

Thank you so much for coming with me on this journey!

Much love,

Emily Rose

P.S. I want to give mad props to my amazing Auntee C for the beautiful ceramic heart that was a gift to me and I love it with all of my hearts! You can see more of her beautiful work here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Charlotte-Barber-Wiley-Pottery/116116151757124

Self Love Day #7 - Last Day!

Just a reminder, this self-love revolution came from Marin Bach-Antonson, who you can learn more about here.  This beautiful woman came to me through Kim Salter who facilitates the Nashville Sister Circle I talked about last week.  A lot of this is copied directly from Marin's emails, so I'm not going to take any credit for it other than sharing it with you and adding my little comments here and there about my own experience!

Thank you all for being on this journey with me.  Thank you for co-creating in the truest form.  Thank you for loving yourselves and generating love for the collective.

Today is the final day of the self-love revolution.  In the meantime I want to encourage you to get a self-love journal and begin writing 5-10 things PER day that you love about yourself to keep the momentum going!!!

Here's another idea:  Write yourself a THANK YOU letter today.  Thank yourself for jumping in and being part of this process.  Tell yourself what you are proud of and shower yourself with kindness for showing up and shining this week.

Today's Invitation:  I want to invite you to go outdoors and connect with nature.  Nature holds a vibration that is healing- as you walk outdoors- you reset your own energy field.

Go outside to an open space and hold your arms out wide to the universe.  Open your heart big to the "all that is".  Hold your body open like a container fully willing to receive.  When you are ready (IF you are ready) make this declaration.

"I open my heart fully to all that is.  I surrender myself to you in love so that I may be a catalyst of love for others.  I am open and willing to dedicate my life to love."

I know it’s a big statement and a big commitment but I wanted to make the invitation.

Make a declaration to the universe with a big voice or a whisper.  Whichever you choose-- say the words aloud.

(Of course, they don't have to be these exact words-choose your own if you'd rather)

All week you have spent time loving yourself.  Now you are ready to take the self-love revolution out into the world.

Make a list of at least 10 loving things you might do for another person.  Either someone you know or a stranger.

Brainstorm ideas of how you might spread love in your own, unique, creative way.

ex)  drop off a meal to a neighbor

put $ in the starbucks tip jar for 7 straight days

send out happy-talk texts to at least 3 people

write a letter to an old friend

make someone a surprise gift

Write at least one idea in the comments here so that we might share ideas.  What a wonderful brainstorm that will be!!

Thank you again for being a part of these past 7 days with me.

It’s been a very significant time astrologically and a wonderful week to be together doing the self-love revolution!

Happy self-loving!!!

Much love,

Emily Rose and Marin

Check out Marin's website here: https://www.facebook.com/Riseupgoddess

Self Love Day #6

Just a reminder, this self-love revolution came from Marin Bach-Antonson, who you can learn more about here.  This beautiful woman came to me through Kim Salter who facilitates the Nashville Sister Circle I talked about last week.  A lot of this is copied directly from Marin's emails, so I'm not going to take any credit for it other than sharing it with you and adding my little comments here and there about my own experience!

Today is all about forgiveness. 

Forgiveness, I realize is not anything FOR the other person.

Forgiveness is one of the most self-loving things we can do.

It’s also the highest (and often hardest) spiritual work.

Are you willing to LOVE yourself fully by forgiving another person?

Make a list today of all the little grudges and resentments that take up real-estate in your heart.  Really be honest with yourself as you write them down.  Circle the biggest "ouchy" on your list.  How much space in your heart would you free up if you were to let this go?

You don't have to know HOW to forgive, you just need to be willing.

Start with, "I am willing to forgive ___________."

Hold them in a picture in your mind.  See them on a stage and see love directed to them.  It doesn't have to be YOUR love - just universal love.  Send it to them.  Wrap them in it.

Hold someone in your heart today with a willingness to forgive and let this be your most bold, daring act of self-love yet!

Today’s Invitation: LOVE Water

I want to invite you to write LOVE on a water bottle.  Place your bottle in sunlight for a few moments for extra goodness.  Bless your water with love and then drink your own self made "cup of self-love elixir".  Let the elixir wash away the resentments, upsets and frustrations you carry in your body.

Do this all day with any water you drink.  Speak the word love love love over it. And other high-vibration words you wish.  You can also make an on-going practice of this.

As you drink, know that you are filling yourself with a healing tonic that could work wonders and don't take that lightly.  I want to invite you to BELIEVE in energy and to believe in the power of love. In fact I can prove it!

I'm sure many of you have heard of the work of Dr. Emoto and the hidden messages in water.  It’s fascinating and worth learning about!

In short, if you've never seen this I'll outline it with a super simple explanation:

Dr. Emoto spoke negative, violent words over water and then photographed the molecules.  They were distorted and ugly.

Then he spoke loving and kind words over the water and photographed again.  This time they were perfectly shaped, intact and beautiful.

In other words- love affects water!

For more information check out his book, Hidden Messages in Water, or look on you tube for info.

You can drink your healing tonic, bless your heart with it, water your plants, etc.

May your deep thirst for all that you desire be quenched with love.

Much love,

Emily Rose and Marin

Check out Marin's website here: https://www.facebook.com/Riseupgoddess

Self Love Day #5

Just a reminder, this self-love revolution came from Marin Bach-Antonson, who you can learn more about here.  This beautiful woman came to me through Kim Salter who facilitates the Nashville Sister Circle I talked about last week.  A lot of this is copied directly from Marin's emails, so I'm not going to take any credit for it other than sharing it with you and adding my little comments here and there about my own experience!

You are perfect just as you are

You are enough

You are so loveable

You are important

You are beautiful inside and out

Your body is perfect just as it is

Imagine if we grew up hearing this every night before bed and every morning as we met the new day as children.

How might your life have been different?  I'm not sure how to answer that for myself, but I DO know that I am a caregiver for a small child.  We can start right here, right now to foster a new generation that grows up hearing these messages.

How might their lives be different?

Create a truth mantra for your children, your nieces, nephews, grand babies, etc.

Choose 3 lines, like the ones above that feel really good...maybe ones that you would have wanted to hear as a kid...and start saying them to the children in your life.  Constantly!

Whisper them.  Make a painting for your kid’s room.  Write a letter. Write notes in lunch bags.  Make it your sign off in your cards.  Create a goodnight song.  Do everything you can to give the children in your life a loud and clear message that they are perfect as they are.

Now here's some great news.  It’s actually not too late for us.  We can still offer these loving words to the inner children in us.

Imagine if we started right here, right now and also began to foster a new generation of women and men who love themselves enough to take the time to speak lovingly to themselves everyday...

Imagine if you spoke these words aloud every night and every morning.

How would your life be different?

I want to invite you to make this a NON-NEGOTIABLE in your life. 

This is a revolution after all and revolutionaries don't play small.  They don't sit on the sidelines and just post on FB.

What changes are you making?  What steps are you taking?  What shifts are you noticing?

It's time to up the ante.

This is going to end in 2 days and if you're not careful your personal revolution will end with it.

For the Love of Self....Don't let that happen!

Make a list of 3 non-negotiables that will help you continue your self-love revolution.

Ex)

I'll start and end my day with my truth mantra

I'll eat something green daily

I'll buy myself a small self-love gift once a week/month

Now this is important Just THREE.  Just THREE!  Just THREE!?  And keep them simple!

People have a tendency to go whole hog with wanting to make change and then easily fizzle out.  It’s not because you're lazy.  It's because it's TOO MUCH for the critter brain to deal with; too much change and a threat to identity.  The ego won't allow the change to take place without a vicious fight. Most people give up the fight because it’s too mentally exhausting. What happens...we forget!?  Hence, we bungee back to where we started.

If you start with three super small, simple things you have a much higher chance of actually creating lasting change.

So, given those guidelines, what are YOUR 3 non-negotiables?  Post them here in the comments and on your facebook page.

Today's Invitation:  Give yourself at least 5 hugs throughout the day!

Today's Self-Love Dare: Let at least 1 hug be in public!

Honestly what is the worst that could happen...someone looks at you funny!?

Now what’s the best thing that could happen...someone walks away with a spark in their heart, a smile on their face, and the message to love themselves! 

I dare you!  :)

_____________________________________________________________________

Today's Self-Love Resource:  I love this article from Tina Su who writes about taking yourself out on a self-love date.

http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/the-secret-to-self-loving/

She gives some cool ideas and I thought you would like this.

I want to invite you to SCHEDULE a self-love date TODAY and put it on your calendar for next week.

This will help you continue your self-love revolution once this journey is over.

But enough of that!  We still have three full days of self-love, sisterhood and sparks to make!

Much love and hugs,

Emily Rose and Marin

Check out Marin's website here: https://www.facebook.com/Riseupgoddess

Self Love Day #4

Just a reminder, this self-love revolution came from Marin Bach-Antonson, who you can learn more about here.  This beautiful woman came to me through Kim Salter who facilitates the Nashville Sister Circle I talked about last week.  A lot of this is copied directly from Marin's emails, so I'm not going to take any credit for it other than sharing it with you and adding my little comments here and there about my own experience!

Who do you have the potential to be?  If Self-Love was a fully expressed reality and all the fear disappeared and all the old stories were suddenly erased.....who is the you left standing there?

One of the reasons we hold so dearly to the pain of our "not-enoughness" is that it is familiar.  Like a well worn sweater the not enough story is one that has been worn and stretched and paraded about town quite a bit in our lives.  And even though it's not the most flattering thing we "wear"....it sure is comfortable?!

Did you know that it is a proven fact that people would rather be miserable that have to face change?

Sounds crazy to conscious mind but consider this.  To the ego...Identity is Everything!  The ego will go to great lengths (even misery) to hold tight to familiarity and identity.   To change is a death threat to the ego!

Because if you CHANGE...who are you?????

The ego will fight tooth and nail to keep you from changing if it is faced with a loss of identity.

So today we are going to skirt around the ego as if she was a sleeping pitbull and we are going to do some gentle yet powerful change work.

Fact:  Change-work starts with vision.

If you are not your old stories of not enough, not worthy and not deserving, WHO ARE YOU?

You need to create a new identity for yourself in order to keep the ego from becoming vicious and using everything in its power to have you not change.

Michael Beckwith spoke one of my favorite pieces of wisdom of all time:

"Pain Pushes Until Vision Pulls"

Up to this point in your life your identity has likely been crafted out of pain. 

All good.  That has been perfect and fine and right.

But now...you have a choice.

Do you want to continue to come from pain or are you willing to let love heal so that you can come from vision?

Today's Invitation: A New SELF (-love) Vision

Who are you if you are not your old "truths"? 

Who are you when you are totally safe to express all the brilliance within you?

Who do you have the potential to be when you step into the experience of radical self-acceptance?

Get out a lined piece of paper and a pen.

Part 1:  Start with this one line:

I have the potential to be:

(write 10 possibilities)

ex.  I have the potential to be a deeply impactful teacher of life and love

I have the potential to be a fully expressed modern day priestess who embodies her power and inspires others

I have the potential to be love in all my actions, thoughts and words

Keep writing until you have 10.

Part 2:  Use this new line:

I AM......

Don't think, just write and see what emerges!

(write 10 possibilities

Ex.  I am divine

I am perfect as I am

I am a vessel for service

Part 3:

Now choose the most resonate (favorite) statements from Part 1 and 2 and put them together.

 Ex) I have the potential to be a fully expressed priestess who embodies her power and inspires others because I am a vessel for service.

Edit your statement however you like so that you LOVE it!!

Your statement should feel as if it mirrors a new truth back to.

Part 4:

Post and share unapologetically; fully in your power with a willingness to be seen, an openness to be celebrated.  Post it in the comments here!  If you choose to play big and be brave, bold and kick-butt awesome....Post and share on your personal page too!

Here’s an example of what to post on your page.

"I'm part of a 7-day Self-Love Revolution and this statement was part of our work this week.  I'm putting it out there because it's who I am with my "not-enough" story. How about you?  Who do YOU have the potential to be?”

Put it out there loud and proud!

The world RESPONDS to who you say you are!!

Today's Mantra:

I am willing to love myself and the world loves me back.

Look for evidence of this today.  The universe WILL give you love if you ask for evidence of it!

Little miracles WILL show up in your life to mirror your love back to you. You have to really be open to seeing them.  Expect them.  Don't question them.  If you see it, it is so.  It might be a person who smiles at you, a favor a friend offers, a self-love theme song that comes on the radio, etc.... 

Delight in finding these little reflections all throughout your day.

Thank you again for being part of this movement!  I feel change in the air and change in my life, and it’s amazing!

Much love,

Marin and Emily Rose

You can check out Marin's website here: https://www.facebook.com/Riseupgoddess

Self Love Day #3

Another reminder, this self-love revolution came from Marin Bach-Antonson, who you can learn more about here.  This beautiful woman came to me through Kim Salter who facilitates the Nashville Sister Circle I talked about last week.  A lot of this is copied directly from Marin's emails, so I'm not going to take any credit for it other than sharing it with you and adding my little comments here and there about my own experience!

Yesterday we held sacred space to honor our vulnerable “truth.”

Of course this isn't TRUTH - the truth is we are all divinely perfect in every possible way.

What we shared was the authenticity of our feelings and those deep parts of ourselves that feel disconnected from wholeness.  So why share "negative" things during a 7 day self-love journey?

Well first, I believe there is no negative.

Second, because naming the "fear" is actually an essential piece for lasting transformation and self-love.  We MUST be able to come into resonance with the parts of ourselves that feel imperfect, invalid and scared.  If we neglect or fight those parts (as I have for years) transformation cannot take place.  Period.

So the self-love revolution is an opportunity for us to connect with and love back the parts of ourselves that we have disowned.  

What parts are you willing to love?

Here is today's wisdom:  Love it first and it will change.

Ex)  I am willing to love my belly.

I am willing to love the part of me that feels small when I'm around beautiful people

I am willing to love the part of me that procrastinates.

Love yourself back to wholeness.

I want to invite you to move through your day today with an "I am WILLING mindset".

Today's Invitation: A Self-Love Exploration

Finish these sentences for yourself in a journal:

If I truly loved myself I would start __________________________.

If I truly loved myself I would stop _____________________________.

If I opened my heart up wide to myself it would say __________________________.

Feel free to share your answers here in the comments, with your group of friends or on your Facebook page.

Today's 2nd Invitation:  Choose a Self-Love theme Song and DANCE!!!!!

Did you know that one of the best ways to shift out of a fear mindset and release anxiety is actually to move your body?  Movement instantly changes your physiology!  That's why working out is so effective for depression.  

Today I want to invite you to choose a self-love theme song or maybe even a short self-love playlist and to DANCE at least once today!!!!!

Dance the "I am willing to love myself dance"

Dance it for you, your daughters, your friends, your sisters and for all women everywhere on the planet.

Let your dance be your prayer.

Let it be a powerful declaration.

Let it move the fear for you and for us all.

Choose songs that really light you up and speak to your soul; songs that you can unleash, expand, awaken and explode into; songs that lift your heart and help you feel alive.

My Self-Love Theme Songs

- Roar by Katy Perry

- Happy by Pharrell Williams

- Brave by Sarah Bareilles

- Let it Go from Frozen

- Rolling in the Deep by Adele

And my ALL TIME FAVORITE: "I was Here" by Beyonce

https://www.youtube.com/watch?vi41qWJ6QjPI

I want to send this song to you all today as a gift. 

Today’s 3^rd Invitation:

If we are truly going to leave a mark and make a difference as the songs says, we have to put what we do and who we are into BOLD ACTION.  Start by making a choice.  Take all of yourself out into the world today. Stand up, stand strong, open your heart and let your self-love BEAM.  BE a force and a model for self-love through your eyes, your smile, your gestures and your words.

You are powerful beyond compare and when you choose to practice self-love and em-BODY it....oh!  The possibilities!

Let the world see self-love in your eyes today.

Much love,
Marin and Emily Rose

Check out Marin's website here: https://www.facebook.com/Riseupgoddess

A Week of Self Love Starts Today!

Self Love Day #1

What a great time to give yourself a little self love!  We're coming into the holidays HOT HOT HOT!  I can't believe how fast they snuck up on me this year.  I’m also heading off to Winter Solstice Sadhana Celebration, so I wanted to get these to you to work on while I’m gone and working on myself.  Disclaimer: I meant for these to post while I was at Solstice, but technology didn't work with me. Oh well!  😀

As promised, over the next seven days, I'm going to share some self love teachings from Marin Bach-Antonson, who you can learn more about here.  This beautiful woman came to me through Kim Salter who facilitates the Nashville Sister Circle I talked about last week.  A lot of this is copied directly from Marin's emails, so I'm not going to take any credit for it other than sharing it with you and adding my little comments here and there about my own experience!  So, are you ready to dive right in??

GETTING STARTED:  SUGGESTIONS FOR EVERYDAY

These are a few things you can do every day that will start you on the path of self love!

1. Get a package of post-it notes or some paper and tape, and put reminder notes all around your house...especially on your mirrors and even in your car!  I even made the background and lock screen on my phone a photo of my post-it note.  The notes should simply say, "I love you!"  This is your mantra this week.  Say it as often as you possibly can.  Think of yourself as an empty vase that needs filled, and you fill that vase a little more every time you say, "I love you.”  It might be awkward at first but stick with it.  "I love you" is powerful medicine!!  JUST doing this one thing could potentially change your life!  And if you've been doing the mirror work that I discussed a couple of weeks ago, you're already a step ahead of the game here!

2. Each day, share at least 3 THINGS that you love about yourself.  You can post them here anonymously in the comments, share with some trusted friends or family, or if you're brave, even post it on your Facebook page!  Here is a sample post:

This week I'm sparking a self-love revolution and I want to invite you to join me!  I'm going to be posting 3 things per day that I love about myself because I believe that if one person does it we give permission for others to do the same.  Will you join me?  What are three things you love about yourself?  Write them here and post this on your page.  Here are my three things:

I love my naturally wavy auburn hair.

I love my curves.

I love my voice.

3. Begin your day with love, not technology.  I use my phone for my alarm clock, so it's really easy for me to grab it to turn off the alarm and then start playing on email or Facebook.  Instead, remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Breathe in love and breathe out love.  Enfold yourself in light.  Saturate your being in love.  Most people start their day with a low level of dread.  Consciously make a choice to shift this mindset for these 7 days, and hopefully for a lifetime!

4. Are you brave enough to ditch your scale for the week?  Do it!  Put it in the garage, the basement or perhaps the trash.  Weight is one of the biggest "bear traps" when it comes to self-love.  We are going to radically practice acceptance this week and for many of us, the scale is a sure fire spiral into negative patterned thinking. Get rid of it.  If you really want to you can bring it back next Monday.  I haven’t owned a scale in a little over two years, and it’s amazing how much happier I am with my body!

JUMPING IN:  DAY ONE

Ok, so those were the daily rituals.  Here is the invitation for day one:

Treat yourself like a dear, dear friend and go out and buy yourself a little treasure today.  You can choose whatever budget you'd like but I want to suggest something small like $5-10 dollars.

What wonderful present will choose?  A bar of dark chocolate, a bunch of tulips, a new nail polish color, a bar of fancy soap?  Buy something you normally wouldn't!

If you don't have the time to pick up an item, then write yourself a short, sweet note.

Must do:  Have fun turning attention on yourself!

Enjoy this week!

Much love,

Marin and Emily Rose

Check out Marin's website here: https://www.facebook.com/Riseupgoddess

The Love of a Sister

I've had the joy this week of reconnecting with my many sisters in this life in one way or another.  My blood sister has started dating again, and she's coming to me for advice.  It's drawing us together in a way that I never thought possible for so many reasons, starting with the one where I told my parents to take her back the first time I met her in the hospital.  I don't know what was going through my 2 1/2 year old mind when I said that, but that's the mentality that has stuck with me and a stigma that has tainted my relationship with my sister for the last 32 years.

My family moved around a lot when I was growing up.  I had friends, but they came and went a lot.  I still see some of them occasionally, but the constant people in my life were my parents, my big brother (who I had an amazing relationship with) and my little sister (who was always someone I tolerated being around).  Growing up, I always found it easier to relate with my brother.  He talked enough for the both of us (I was always quiet and shy growing up), and was there for me when I needed help or needed someone to stand up for me.

My little sister was just a pest who took Mom and Dad's attention away from me, and I was a princess and deserved all of their attention!  Haha!  At least that's what my little child self always thought (maybe even still thinks??).  I built up a resentment toward my sister that usually resulted in me hurting her either physically or emotionally and then going out for a run to burn off the remaining anger I felt toward her.  Everyone always told me that as we grew up, we would grow closer, but that just never happened for us.  In my mind, she would always be that spoiled little child who demanded all of Mom and Dad's attention and love.

While I "grew up," got my degree, got a "real" job, got married, and settled into a life of goals and ambitions, I watched her struggle to find her footing jumping from one job to the next, living off (and with) mom and dad and continuing to demand all of their attention and love even as an adult.  I continued to water the resentment I held toward her and allowed it to grow into the light.

When I started seeing a therapist and started really diving into the issues with my sister, I actually started talking about the resentment I had toward her.  I would openly tell her and anyone else who would listen how miserable I was because of her.  This only started to lighten when she started to "grow up."  She really started working on herself and figured out what she wanted to do with her life.  She wanted to go to nanny school.  At this point, Mom and Dad were refusing to pay for yet another round of training for a job she would work for a few months and realize that it wasn't what she wanted to do.  For some reason, it felt right for me to help her.  I cosigned on a student loan for her to attend English Nanny and Governess School, and she went through with it.  I was so proud of her the day I went up to Chagrin Falls, Ohio to watch her graduate and get her Nanny Certification.  She got an amazing job with a family in Chicago, and I really felt like she was getting her life together.  There were a couple of hiccups along the way, but she stuck with the nanny gig and was really good at it.

When I got divorced and quit my job, however, I started to resent her again, because she lived off my parents for so long.  When I wanted their help, though, they told me to get a job or maybe I shouldn't have quit the job I had.  I couldn't understand why it was okay for her to work through all of her stuff with their help, and it wasn't okay for me to be without a job and try to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  And one day, they started helping me.  They bought me food and toilet paper and paper towels, and asked what else I needed.  This somehow helped to melt away some of the resentment I felt toward my sister.

Then, she started going to school.  She had tried school before that didn't last, so I wasn't sure how serious she was this time.  For some reason, though, this time was different.  She's finishing up her second semester, and I couldn't be more proud of her for the woman she's becoming.  She even helped me get a job as a nanny to an adorable little boy who I'm helping raise into an amazing and loving toddler.  She started dating recently and reached out to me for advice, and I feel like we're finally starting to relate the way that sisters are meant to relate.

On Sunday, we went to breakfast and then to service at the Center for Spiritual Living Nashville.  One of the songs that they sang during service was "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips.  I don't know a single 30-something girl who didn't have that song on cassette when they were little, not to mention the amazing homage to the song at the end of the movie "Bridesmaids".  Let me interject by saying that every service I have been to at the Center has made me cry at least once; tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of loss, tears at how beautiful the young souls are who get up and do their affirmations at the beginning of service and then the song about them being a big, shiny light that we sing as they leave to go off to their youth activities during the rest of service.

Well, of course "Hold On" made me cry, because for some reason, this was the week that I felt like I needed a break from all of the work I was doing.  I am scared shitless about the journey I am embarking on as I go into another Kundalini training weekend followed by a week at Kundalini Winter Solstice Sadhana Celebration, not to mention not knowing where my life is going.  When they sang the words, "I know that there is pain, but you hold on for one more day, and you break free from the chains," I couldn't help but tear up knowing that it was a sign that my time is coming.  Every sign I've gotten this week has told me this same thing; given me this same message.  At the end of service, they always sing a song as people are walking out, and "Hold On" was that song.  My sister and I channeled our inner "bridesmaids" and joined the Music Ministry as we danced along in our pew, a little more of that resentment melting away.  I think that might have been the closest I've ever felt to my sister, and I'm glad to have deepened that bond.

Today, I shared that same love with a different kind of sister, a soul sister.  We all have people who we come into this life knowing, and I have had the wonderful opportunity to reconnect with many of my soul sisters, thanks to a beautiful soul named Kim Salter, who facilitates a Sisterhood Circle in East Nashville.  It is a beautiful gathering of sensitive, strong and amazing women who come together to hold space for each other and really listen in a way that facilitates healing.  This is an amazing group, because how often are you really heard in your life?  As someone working on my expression and opening myself and my voice, it is very important for me to feel heard at a soul level.  These women offer that for me, and the friendships and bonds extend out past the weekly circle, as well.  If this is something you feel is missing in your life, you can learn more about Circle on Kim's LIFE.Designed Facebook page here.

I also had the amazing opportunity today to connect with two of my friends from my engineering days who have seen me through a lot of the inner turmoil and helped me through the worst days and still love and support me through the changes I'm experiencing in my life.  I'm so grateful to have such amazing friends and such amazing lunches to remind me of that connection.  The friendship I share with those women is so much more than any of the friendships I've ever had, and I'm so grateful for the growth I've gotten to witness in their lives and relationships.

And coming back to that little bit where I talked about messages and signs that have come to me this week, I want to talk a little bit about RunYogaLove.  Beck and I have been running almost every Saturday since I started it in September in the hopes that someone will join us.  It hasn't been a big deal that we haven't had others with us yet, because it was kind of fun having each other to run with and having him there made me feel less tied to any kind of results or growth or expectations I had in starting it.

The last two weekends, however, Beck ran in a half marathon and went to visit family, so I ran by myself.  I used to love running by myself.  It was a fun way for me to explore the city and enjoy the weather and the scenery.  For some reason, the last two Saturdays were really hard for me and brought up a lot of my feelings of not being enough.  Am I not trying hard enough to spread the word?  Am I not likeable enough for people to want to run with me?

Before you freak out and start reaching out to make sure I'm okay, I know this is not true.  I know that I am enough and that I am beautiful and perfect in every way.  We all have our moments, though, right?  It triggered a lot of my "not enough" mentality that I have struggled with most of my life.  It has been a great opportunity for me to work on that, and I am so appreciative that I have had that opportunity.  As I was questioning why I'm doing it, I kept getting the message that I should keep going.  Keep running.  Keep showing up.

I'm ready for you to join me, though!  I will be in teacher training this weekend and out of town December 14-25, but I look forward to seeing you all on the road at 6:30 am on Saturday, December 27th to run off those holiday cookies!

Much love,
Emily Rose