It looked so far away a few years ago! 2014 felt like a race. It felt like I needed to catch up. Catch up to what, you may ask? I wasn't sure. It just felt like I had wasted so much time that I should have spent learning and getting to know myself better that I needed to cram it all into one year. Was there some goal? Some date that if I didn't do all of that and learn all of that within that set amount of time that my time was going to expire and I was going to lose another life? It sure felt like it!
I realized this last week that it's been almost a year since I left my job in engineering. When I left, I had no idea what I was going to do for income. I had no idea what I would do with my time. It had been so ingrained in me that in order to pay my bills and get by in this life, I had to work for someone who paid me money every week. I feel like I've spent much of the last year learning over and over that when I need money or food or gas, it will be there for me. Yes, I may have to work for it, but it doesn't have to be a regular hours for regular pay type job. It can be flexible. It can look like what I want it to look like. I've also learned that a lot of the things I was told were important when I was growing up really don't matter in the whole scheme of things.
That said, I was approached this week with an opportunity to do some CAD (drafting) work for a coworker from my engineering life who has started his own company. It would be flexible, on my own time and in my own space. I took a couple days to think about it, because it sent me into a tailspin of thoughts like, "I can't go back there!"
Luckily, I had someone to bounce this off of who has observed and supported me through my transition out of engineering and the 40 hour work week. He talked me down off the ledge and helped me look at it from a different perspective. I have control of my hours and my life still with this opportunity because of the flexibility. It's also a good source of income that can help me take steps toward the things I love. I've also learned over the last year that the beauty of all opportunities is that just because this feels good now and I'm saying yes now doesn't tie me to that response. I can stop at any time if it starts to feel bad. I have free will. I have the ability to choose every day what feels good! I am the only person in my life who can make these decisions for me! I'm going to tip-toe cautiously into this opportunity and see where it takes me.
And that brings me to the amazing affirmation that Rev. Dr. Mitch offered us in the service at Center for Spiritual Living Nashville last weekend. In his best preacher voice, he got up on that stage and told us to take charge of our lives. He had us repeat after him:
I love myself! I believe in myself! I deserve the very best this life has to offer!
He even said that we might not believe it at first but to say it anyway. You know what?? I believe it. You should, too!
I know every day that I do something good for myself, something that makes me love or believe in myself a little more that I'm getting a little closer to that sunny spot in the distance. I'm running toward it!
Much love,
Emily Rose
