I've been on both sides of this shout during my time here on earth, and it's incredibly frustrating for both people involved. As the "help"-er, you're just trying to help. Maybe a friend is going through a situation that you've been through before that you feel you can help them through by offering your advice, or maybe you see someone struggling to put together a puzzle that you can clearly see the solution to. Whatever it is, if they didn't ask for your help, maybe there's a reason for it.
On the other side, as the "help"-ee, maybe you're one of those people who learns best by experience. No matter how many times someone tells you how something works, if you don't see it for yourself, you don't believe it.
I've been chain watching "Orange is the New Black" over the last few weeks and finally finished it today. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, they flash back in each epsiode to one of the character's pasts. In this particular episode, they glashed back to a male character having a discussion with his wife who was leaving him. He was explaining how he had given up his opportunity to make it big in the music industry to stay home and take care of her and her baby. Her response was, "I didn't ask you to do that." So, while he thought he was making this grand, loving gesture and doing what he thought she wanted him to do, he was actually doing them both a disservice. He missed out on his big break and wondered why she didn't just say thank you, and she realized she didn't really love him and ended up leaving him for a man who was living his big break.
The moral of the story: don't ever do something because you think it was something the other person would want. If someone doesn't ask you for help, they're probably not going to thank you for whatever it is that you're doing.
This is something that's come up several times for me, and it now has me questioning again what areas in my life I'm doing things for other people and expecting thanks that never comes. Do I feel resentful toward people when I do things for them and don't get a thank you? If so, why am I doing these things in the first place? Is it for the gratification of that thank you or acknowledgement? Or is it out of the generosity of my heart? What expectations do I set on other people without expressing those expectations to them? Would they want to be my friend if they knew what my expectations are? Would they want my help? Would they want to help me?
Do you have any areas in your life where you're helping for the wrong reasons? How can you change that?
Much love,
Emily Rose
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