My Next Step

When I thought of the title of this blog, I was thinking that it meant the next step in my life, and we'll definitely go into that, but as I started to type, I thought of how many times I've been running and thought to myself, "Just think of my next step as the first step."  Or, "My next step is going to be an amazing one."  Or maybe, "How am I going to get past this next step??"  When you're struggling and tired, thinking about that next step and placing it perfectly can make all the difference in the world.

That said, when I was struggling in my life, I realized that I believe in angels.  They're everywhere around me - guiding me, protecting me, watching over me and giving me advice when I ask for it.  Doreen Virtue is one of those people who showed up in my life when I needed her.  Her angel cards and angel numbers books have been a staple in my life for several years now.  Part of what she talks about in her books is signs from the angels and how to interpret them.  I downloaded her Angel Numbers app on my phone, and use it when I'm sitting at a red light to look up the numbers I see on license plates.  For a long time, the messages I was getting were to stay positive and expect positive outcomes.  After my thinking changed, I started seeing messages that said I'm on the right track.  Then, I started seeing messages telling me that I need to focus completely on a spiritually based career.  I'm still not sure completely what that looks like or what that means, but I'm still getting those messages that I'm on the right path and to keep moving forward and keep going.  To keep up!

Which brings me to sharing my next step in my journey.  This morning, I saw the number 979, which brings the message, "Your decision to completely focus on your spiritually based career is correct."  I started Kundalini Level I teacher training last month at Kundalini Rising.  It was something I signed up for last fall or winter and it got postponed because they didn't have enough people sign up.  My options were to travel to Asheville every month or to wait until this fall.  When this fall came around, I had completely forgotten about the training and that I had already paid in full for the classes.

I got an email one day talking about how excited they were to see me in the studio on Friday of that week.  I panicked.  I work on Friday!  I teach yoga on Saturdays!  How was I going to make this work?  I talked to my employer, and it was too short notice for me to get off on Friday.  I sent a hopeful email to my fellow yoga instructors to see if anyone could sub my class for me.  I looked for excuses not to go, sending an email to the studio owner asking if I was paid, because I couldn't pay for the classes right now; asking if it was okay to miss the first Friday of training, because I couldn't get off work on such short notice.  I thought to myself that if she said no, I just wasn't going to do the training this time around.  I was resisting the idea of the training.  I was scared.  I knew deep down at a soul level that this training was going to change me, and we all resist change to some extent, no matter whether it's good or bad.

Once I had completely talked myself out of the training, I received an email back saying that yes, I was paid in full, and yes, it was okay for me to miss Friday.  "We'll see you on Saturday."  Yikes!  This is happening; I'm committed.  That Saturday, I sucked up every drop of courage I had and walked into the studio, part of me kicking and screaming and grabbing onto the doorways with legs flailing the whole way in.  We practiced Kundalini that day, and I hadn't practiced in almost a year.  The next morning, I woke up at 3:30 to make it to the 5 a.m. Sadhana (daily practice that's meant to start before the sun rises), something I had never even heard of before I started this training.  My stomach was churning.  My solar plexus felt like it was having its own little solar flares, and I almost didn't go.  I'm glad I went, though.  I'm seeing changes, and they're good.  I can breathe again, and I didn't realize that even in my vinyasa classes, I hadn't been taking full, long, deep breaths.  It feels good to breathe.

I went back this weekend for more training, and it was challenging in a very different way.  We practiced a kriya (set of exercises and breathing) Saturday morning called the Sat Nam Kriya as part of the Surya (Sun) Kriya, and then again Saturday afternoon.  It was really hard for me.  I struggled with it a lot, almost as much as I did when I first starting taking hot classes in my vinyasa teacher training last fall.  When I walked into Sadhana Sunday morning, we did the same kriya in the same set from Saturday morning.  I was angry.  I was challenged.  I found myself dedicated to the practice, even though I hated every second of it.  When we finished, I found myself smiling and laughing at how angry I was.  I was uplifted.  I left my anger on the mat and enjoyed the rest of my day.  Every month of our training, we have homework.  I found out yesterday that this month, it's a set that includes Sat Nam Kriya, and a meditation for the heart.  As I prepared myself for the kriya, I found myself excited about it.  I knew it was going to be challenging.  I knew it was going to bring up some emotions/anger, but I was excited for the changes it was going to bring.  I can't wait to practice it again today, and the day after, and the day after until we meet again.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Kundalini practice, it's an ancient practice that was brought to the states by a man named Yogi Bhajan.  It's a practice to bring you to a state of higher awareness, higher consciousness.  It's a beautiful practice that allows you to go through  your day smiling instead of noticing and reacting to anything that's happening around you.  It's a journey.  It helps you smile more and keep up.  I would love to share it with you sometime.  Just ask!

So, this is my next step on my journey.  I'll keep you posted on the changes that happen over the next several months, but for now, I would love for you to join me on my adventure of running and yoga.  Every Saturday, we meet at 6:30 am at the ampitheater in Bicentennial Mall for a 30 minute run/walk, and then a 50-60 minute yoga practice.  You set the pace, so come on out for a little RunYogaLove.

Much love and Sat Nam,
Emily Rose