I know, I know! I said I would write…and I haven’t. I kind
of disappeared there for a while, first from facebook, then from instagram,
twitter, linkedin…social media was a lot to keep up and look for a job and
accept the fact that I was re-entering a work force that I thought I had left
behind. I said I would write, though, and here I am.
Some of you might remember in one of my last posts, I talked
about joining the Dave Ramsey fan club. Well, I’m not sure there actually is a
fan club, but I definitely became a follower, both of his podcast and his
teachings. You might also remember that the year after my divorce, I spent the
year spending money. I quit my incredibly flexible, well-paying engineering job
and traveled to Thailand, Colorado, Vegas, Bonnaroo, the beach, and a host of
other fabulous locations with some of my favorite people. I bought swim suits,
purses, clothes, yoga teacher trainings, energy healing and lingerie, and I
loved every minute of it. I bought away all of the pain and grief of my failed
marriage. I spent money instead of spending time with my emotions. I didn’t realize
I had emotions.
I spent the next year trying to figure out how to dig myself
out of the financial hole I dug for myself. I worked one minimum wage job after
the next, and with each one, I thought to myself that I could be doing
something a little easier on my body (remember that engineering degree) and
making way more money in less time. I made things work. I dug myself up to a
point where I could at least see over the edge of the hole by baristing (is
that a word??), babysitting, dogsitting, house sitting, helping a friend with
her research company, teaching yoga and doing odd jobs where I could find them.
I was finally to a point financially where I could breathe and not have to
worry about a service fee hitting my checking account and putting me into
overdraft. I could pay most of my bills without having to pick and choose which
ones I would pay from month to month.
At some point in there, Beck exposed me to Dave Ramsey for
the first time on one of our road trips. Mind you, the first time I heard that
man speak, I felt rage bubble up in my world that had been so filled with rainbows
and butterflies that there was hardly any room for the darkness that comes with
an emotion like rage. He called someone stupid on the first show I heard. I
immediately told Beck to turn that garbage off and listen to something nice.
Come to find out, he did turn it off…but only until I fell asleep, which in the
car didn’t take too long. I would wake up to hear that awful voice coming
through the speakers. It wasn’t long before I heard something from it that made
sense, though. He said things that my Gramps had tried and tried to instill in
my life when I was growing up. He talked about not using credit cards and
buying things solely on cash. He talked about saving money to buy what you want
instead of giving yourself instant gratification at whatever cost the credit
company decided to charge you. He also talked about digging yourself out of the
financial hole that is debt. It wasn’t until he talked about managing God’s
money that I finally started to buy in. At some point, I realized that I was
the one turning the podcast on when we were in the car instead of Beck. I drank
the Kool-Aid.
I started making a budget, without really sticking to it.
The day I got the letter from my mortgage company, though, that I had skipped
one too many payments (wasn’t I only one behind? I had lost track…) was the day
I decided to take my life back.
One thing Dave talked about was that in order to dig
yourself out of the hole that is debt, sometimes you need to get a bigger
shovel. For most people, that means getting a part-time, low paying job to
supplement their main income. For someone who was already working several
part-time, low paying jobs, though, I knew exactly what that would look like. I
just wasn’t ready to accept that it meant using the natural gifts that I had
been given. God stuck with me, though, and gave me the gentle nudges I needed
to ease my way back into engineering. I took small steps to embracing the fact
that I had a brain again, and when I started explaining how engineering things
worked on vacations and helping Beck with his engineering homework, I realized
that I really did know how to do this stuff.
Now I’m going to let you in on something really crazy.
Remember the post I wrote about being on the wrong path? I had a dream one
night that I was driving down the interstate and suddenly had the feeling I was
going the wrong direction even though there were no other cars around me. I
drove over the grass in the median to get to the other side of the road only to
drive a little ways before there were cars coming at me. I dodged all the cars
and trucks, got myself turned around and was to the break in the median where I
could get back to the other side when I woke up. The right side of the
interstate was actually on the other side from where I originally started. My
interpretation of this one was that even though I felt like engineering was not
for me, I was really just on the wrong side of the interstate. I just had to
get myself off that path and through a little craziness in order to find the
right path, a path with purpose. Engineering has always been the right thing
for me. I just needed to have a goal and get myself in the right spot, and like
Dave Ramsey always tells people who call in, I needed to “put my big girl
panties on and get a job.”
I started looking for jobs that were anything other than
consulting. I knew that didn’t work for me. I thought with my broad experience
that a city engineer position would be a good fit for me, but I also felt
pulled toward a State or Federal job. One day when I was meditating on where I
was meant to be, I got a phone call (literally in the middle of my meditation)
from Erin at TDOT to set up an interview. I called her back to schedule it, and
she asked if I could come in the next day. I hadn’t realized that the state
worked that fast on anything! I agreed to come in the next day (Tuesday) for an
interview not realizing what I was getting myself into. I didn’t have a suit to
interview in. I hadn’t ever been to an interview where I didn’t wear a suit. I
found my best dress and a cardigan and the only pair of heels I still own and
drove to the interview. It was hot that day, and I’m always hot when I’m
nervous anyway, so I ended up leaving my cardigan in the car and walking into
the interview in my sleeveless dress thinking that I would never get the job
because I was so under-dressed. I stopped in at the bathroom and walked in to
the Materials and Tests Division of TDOT so nervous that I couldn’t even think
straight.
I was greeted right inside the door by a super nice guy who
was eager to please and eager to help when I asked where I was supposed to be
going for my interview. He pointed down the hall to a waiting room. No one else
talked to me while I walked down the hall, and I sat in the chairs under the
sign that said to wait there for my interview. I could hear people at lunch
behind a set of bookshelves playing cards and chatting about potato salad. A
man I have come to know and love came out from behind the shelves after they
finished the game and offered me some of the infamous potato salad, which I gracefully
declined as I sat sweating (from nerves or heat, I’m not sure…probably both) in
the chair that thankfully had high arms so that I could rest my arms on them
and air myself out while I breathed through the nerves and waited to be called
into the interview.
A nice woman (who I would soon find out was my future
manager) walked by at one point and said that they would be ready in a minute
and headed off down the hallway. Another woman (my future manager’s manager)
and a man walked by at some point and went into the conference room before the
first woman finally came by and told me they were ready. Right before I walked
into the room, I felt a strange sense of calm. I walked in to a panel of three
interviewers, which they explained in the first ten minutes is actually a
requirement of all TDOT interviews. They also spent the majority of that ten
minutes explaining what the actual job was going to entail. If you’ve never
applied for a state job, you wouldn’t know that the postings are a little vague
so that they can use the same posting for every position at that level that
they have open. It was a little confusing but made way more sense after that
first ten minutes. They then went on to explain that they were going to take
turn asking questions, but they all had the same questions on their sheets that
they asked of every candidate they interviewed and all three of them had to
write responses to the questions on their sheets. Gotta love the
standardization of the government!
At one point, one of the girls started out a sentence with “This
is incredibly unprofessional, but…” and that was what won me over. The job
description of teaching trainings and visiting concrete plants might have had
something to do with it, too, but I just really had a good feeling about this
one. I walked out of the interview with no expectations, and was shocked when I
got the phone call that Friday with a tentative job offer, which I excitedly accepted.
I could have gotten a higher paying job or one with a better title, but this
one felt better than the others, and I have learned by now to go with my gut.
The first couple weeks were a dream. I walked into the first
day and went straight into one of the classes that I will eventually be teaching.
The second day on the job, I got to play with concrete while meeting some of
the amazing people who work in Region 3 Materials and Tests. My manager talks
to me and explains why she makes the decisions she makes. I have gotten to sit
in on numerous meetings where I learn something new every time and sometimes
even feel like I may be contributing something to a team of people who are
working together for a common goal. I can’t say that I don’t have moments when
I walk down the hall and think to myself that I can’t believe I’m in a cube
farm again or staring at a computer screen again, but those thoughts are
quickly replaced by gratitude for the amazing people I work with, the amazing
team I’m part of, and the fun parts of my job. The paycheck helps, too, of
course, and the fact that every time I sit down and look at my budget, I get to
see the difference I’m making and that I’m going to make.
Maybe, just maybe, I needed that year of just getting by in
order to help me realize that I could live on way less than I was making as an
engineer so that I can “live and give like no one else” in the words of Dave
Ramsey himself. I’ve become a better manager of God’s money, and I’m grateful
that I’m now standing in the flow where I can allow it to flow through me a
little easier. I’m also grateful that I put my big girl panties on and found some
joy in a place where I never thought in a million years that I would find it.
As always, I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and the teachers who were
there when I was ready for them. I’m also grateful for you and whatever role I’m
playing in your journey as you’re playing your role in mine.
Much love,
Emily Rose
