People I Love

I recently made a big decision to get back into the engineering world. What does that mean for you? I'm not so sure. I'm still goin
g to teach yoga. I'm still going to write. I'm pretty sure that it won't change your world in any drastic way.

What does this mean for me?? It means that I need to earn PDHs again to get my license back to active. It means that I need to plug myself back into a network that I removed myself from two years ago. It means meetings and luncheons and busyness. Oddly enough, I'm doing it all with a huge smile on my face. You see, I recently read a book that put everything into a little more perspective for me. It's called Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing by Jed McKenna. It put enlightenment into a totally different perspective for me, and made me realize that the things I thought I was looking for were actually there all along, and the things I thought I needed were not necessarily true. It made me question all of the things I was doing to find myself and my purpose and encouraged me to look at the world as a play where everyone was playing their roles. It made me realize that I stopped playing my role while I was trying to figure out what my role was.

The dream I had last week confirmed that for me. I dreamt that I was driving on the interstate and suddenly had the feeling I was going the wrong direction. I drove over the grass in the median to get to the other side only to drive a little ways before there were cars and trucks coming at me. I dodged all the cars and trucks, got myself turned around and was to the break in the median where I could get turned to the other side when I woke up. The right side of the interstate, though, was on the other side from where I originally started. I feel like this has something to do with me being in the engineering field before but for the wrong reasons. I took a detour off to a path that was going against the grain but one that I had to take in order to know the direction I needed to take to get on the right path.

When I was in engineering before, if someone were to ask me why I was an engineer, I would have said that growing up I was good at math and science, so Dad said that I would be a good engineer. I had no purpose in my engineering career. I was there because someone else told me it would be a good idea. That's one of the big reasons that I left engineering. I needed to figure out what it was that made me tick. I needed to know why I was here. I needed purpose.

I recently started meditating a lot more. I thought I was meditating before, but I started practicing yoga at The Ivy House in west Nashville and learned that the guided meditations and yoga practice that I had before was not really getting me where I needed to go. It wasn't getting me to my truth fast enough. I started praying for more clarity in my life. I started becoming more aware of the answers I was seeking. In an Awareness Yoga Immersion last month, I learned how to meditate and learned a particular style of meditation that ended with the questions, "Who am I? What do I want? What is my purpose?" The more I've meditated with those questions, the more I have become aware of what it is that I truly want. It's been stewing in the back of my mind for the last couple of years, but the Awareness Yoga has helped me really ground it and figure out the next step I need to take.

So, what I've known for a long time that I want is to help people. I just didn't know exactly how before. I can only help people through what I've been through. I can only teach the lessons I've learned. I've been through grief from death and grief from divorce, and I want to help people going through what I went through. I want to open a house similar to The Ivy House where people who have gotten a divorce or who have experienced the death of someone close to them can go to heal. I want to have on hand a financial advisor. I want to teach them the things I've learned through life experiences and yoga, and most of all, I want them to have a safe place to live and sleep where they can heal. So, what's stopping me from doing this? I need the space. What's stopping me from having the space? I made some poor financial decisions after my divorce. What am I doing now? I'm healing my financial life. I'm attending Financial Peace University. The next step is to get a job doing something I'm good at. What would that be?

I'm actually good at a lot of things. Something I've realized recently while helping Beck out with his homework is that I'm good at engineering. I actually get it. I'm not even embarrassed to say that I enjoy talking about it. I've come to find my love of engineering again. Pair that with my newfound purpose, and I'm ready to get back into the world of engineering again. So, what does this have to do with People I Love?

A couple of days after I came to the realization that I was ready to get back into engineering, my dad reached out to me and asked if I wanted to go to the American Society of Civil Engineers (ASCE) luncheon that day. His coworker wasn't able to attend, and I was going to be able to take his place. I didn't have any plans, and refer back to the first paragraph where I mentioned I need to get PDH's in order to get my license back to active status. Twenty-four to be exact. I need to get 24 hours of professional development in order to be able to work in the field of engineering again. This led me to say yes to my dad's offer to attend the ASCE lunch. As I drove to lunch, I had butterflies in my stomach. I hadn't seen most of these people in two years.

As I walked up to registration, my eyes focused in on the man standing just behind the registration table. Mike Kusch of Sherman Dixie was one of my favorite people in the industry, and he was standing there with the biggest grin on his face. That was the kind of greeting I needed to wipe the butterflies from my belly and send them flying out around me. I smiled as I hugged that amazing man, and then started to look around the room, meeting the eyes of several other people I loved. I had forgotten how many people I know and love in the engineering industry. These people I just left without so much as an explanation two years ago still lit up when they saw me.

I found out later that people at other tables were asking if it was me as if I was a local celebrity or something. This was the kind of greeting I wanted but never even thought about as I was figuring out how to get back into the field of engineering. These are the people I helped without asking anything in return and who would do the same for me. These are the people who make engineering fun. These are the people I love, and I was reminded last Thursday that they love me back. I'm so grateful to have more clarity in my life and for it to have led me back to these amazing people! I'm grateful I have the opportunity to continue to learn and grow, and I'm grateful that I get to meet new amazing people every day to add to this beautiful network of people. I'm also grateful for you for joining me on this amazing journey!

Love,
Emily Rose

You Deserve to be Happy

Y'all, my mama works her butt off! I mean, literally works so hard that at the end of the day, she falls into her recliner and doesn't move for the rest of the evening. Actually, scratch that. At the end of her day working for other people, she comes home and works in her own yard, making it beautiful and colorful. Then, she might have some dinner and crash into her recliner. Do you want to know how much she makes? A little more than minimum wage, but not hardly enough to get by. Really not even enough for the physical abuse that her body takes. Want to know what she does? She takes care of the plants at hotels and office buildings around Nashville. When you walk into the Hilton downtown, the beautiful flowers and plants that you see on the outside and even inside the building are thanks to my mama and the company she works for. She has had her knee replaced in the last two years, so you may even see her hobbling around from her truck to the planter beds with her tools and her watering can. She's like a little worker bee flitting from one planter bed to the next.

I've asked her so many times why she doesn't take on a management position and get people to work under her planting and watering and what-not, but her joy, her happy place is working in the dirt. When I see how big she smiles when she's working, I can't resist but smile with her. She's more outgoing and will talk to people she would normally never even think about talking to. It's like putting on her cape and going into superhero mode when she's working with her plants. I love watching her, and think every time that I hope I find something someday that I am that passionate about. She deserves to be happy, and I'm glad that she's found something that makes her happy and that she occasionally gets to share that gift with me.

Which brings it back to me. I spent the weekend in a spiritual bliss of music infusion. I went to a yoga concert on Friday at Liberation Yoga where we practiced yoga and then sat on our mats and were serenaded by two of the most beautifully blended voices I've heard in a long time. We listened to the angelic sounds of Mishelbe, a dynamic duo of two petite yogis (Michelle and Shelby) who met at yoga teacher training and found out they can make beautiful music together. We even got to join in when they broke into mantras in the middle of their songs. The way they incorporated ancient sound currents into modern music and words was phenomenal, and I'm so grateful that I got to experience it. Oh, and I got to experience it not only once, but twice, because they just happened to play again on Sunday at a Kirtan I attended at the Music City Center for Spiritual Living with my beautiful mama. I'm a little obsessed with them right now, so this probably won't be the last time you hear about them.

Oh, and all of this after the ending of the season of The Voice, which I watched every episode glued to the TV with the thought, "I want to do that. I should be up there" running through my head over and over and over as if it were a mantra. I feel so called to sing right now that it's a little scary, and the fact that I'm even sharing this in this media is even more scary to me. As I listened to the music of Mishelbe, I couldn't help but think that I wanted to do that, that it could have been me up there. It could still be me up there. Maybe I'll get up there and realize that's not my dream or my purpose, but I just started to follow Taylor Swift on Instagram where she's posting photos from her concerts. I have to say that seeing her in her glitter and sequins up on stage, I can't imagine anything else I would want to do right now. I just have to find the courage to get up on stage. Who wants to give me a shove? Don't think this is going to be an easy task, y'all! I spent the last two years finding a voice that I didn't even realize I had lost, and even this blog is a testament to the progress that I've made. For now, this is my stage.

But wait, why are we here? Happiness! That's right. So, every morning (at least when I remember), I look myself in the eye (in the mirror) and read myself a note that I wrote to my inner child in my sister circle a while back. I know I've posted it before, but I'm going to post it again, because maybe you need to hear it again, too.

You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. You don't need anyone else's approval but your own. Go play! Do what makes you happy. Wake up every morning and do what brings you joy. If something makes you happy, don't let anyone take it from you. Surround yourself in beauty and love and people who support that in you. Everything you create is beautiful. Just be you.

And then I take a deep breath and really let that settle into my bones. Some days I'll add another affirmation onto the end of it if there's something else I need to hear, but most days, this does the trick. Lately, though, I've been questioning myself on what truly makes me happy. What brings joy to my life and my days? And now that I'm reflecting on that, it's those days that I'm truly in the flow, moving smoothly from one activity, one connection to the next that make me truly happy. The soul level connections with like-minded people make me so happy that I could squeal! And I have not been giving myself enough of those lately. I've been trying to do it on my own, which is obviously one of my patterns that I get to work on. I'm so excited that my sister circle has decided to do a check-in every other week through the summer that will allow me to be surrounded by these beautiful beings who love and support me and allow me a non-judgemental platform to be heard. I wish this same happiness and love for you.

I would love to hear from you how you connect with others. What makes you happy? Why haven't you done that yet today?? You deserve it! You deserve to be happy!

Much love,
Emily