I had an amazing conversation with a friend the other day about this very topic. I love being the center of attention. I love acting like no one else in the world has needs but me. I love to be the object of everyone else's love and adoration. Why, then, is it that I only act like this on my birthday??
Somewhere along the way, someone told me not to be selfish. Someone told me that I needed to share and be nice to others. At some point, though, I started putting other people's needs, wants and happiness in front of my own without them even asking me to do it. This is a pattern that was formed years and years and years ago, and it's a pattern I need to learn how to break before I'm able to commit to a serious relationship with someone else, and especially before I become a mother, which is something I really want to do in the near future.
So what does that mean? What does that even look like to break that pattern?? Y'all have heard me and probably a million other people talk about self love, right? Well, what does that look like?? My first step is not to help someone unless they ask for it. This is really hard for me. My mama raised me to help other people. If someone is struggling to reach that can on the top shelf at the grocery store, I would normally see it, realize they were struggling, and walk over to offer my assistance.
This is even harder to keep from doing as an empath. I want to help everyone. I walk into a room and feel what people are feeling, physically and emotionally. This is a "gift" that I was born with and have probably been honing since I was a child and didn't even realize that I had it until I was an adult and talked to someone about their experiences and finally put a name on what I'd been experiencing for years. What a relief!!! I'm not alone. As a yoga teacher, I can use that gift to help people who walk into my classes or ask for private lessons. It truly is a gift. In my personal life, it makes it hard to be around people for extended periods of time. I mean pretty much everyone has something going on, and taking all of that on is a lot for one person. I've learned to avoid situations where I know I'll be around big groups of people. I've learned techniques like zipping up and shielding my electromagnetic field and things like that that help guard against letting in the sharp stuff, but in the end, the easiest way to help myself is some good quality time alone meditating or just sitting in silence.
Hmm...but I think I digressed there. Back to self love and helping yourself first. You know when you're in the airplane and the flight attendant tells you that if you're traveling with small children, you should put on your own oxygen mask before putting on your child's? There's a really good reason for that. Basically, if you don't have an oxygen mask on, chances are that you're going to die, probably before you can get your child's mask on. Then you're both dead and that would be horribly sad.
The same applies to life. If you go around helping and giving energy to people who didn't ask for it, you won't have energy left to help the people who need it and want your help and are going to be grateful for it.
You have to start, though, by filling up your own cup. I do this through meditations, playing, running and being around people who share the same love and respect for me that I share for them. I love being around people who love me back. Who doesn't??
So, the gift that I'm giving myself for my birthday in addition to that amazing run I took this morning followed by a fabulous meditation on the front porch looking up at the beautiful clouds in the sky and watching one of my favorite one-year-olds in the world is that it's okay to put myself first.
It's okay to not help that stranger who fell down in the stream on my way to Cummins Falls (can you tell there's a little guilt there? She had friends with her and a crowd of people forming before I even knew what was going on. It's not like I left her completely alone and bleeding to death). It's okay to not engage in drama in the people's lives around me. From now on, I'm only helping people who ask for my help, and I reserve the right to choose whether I engage in friends' drama, and I give myself full permission to speak up and be "selfish" and love myself.
I would love to hear from you. Is this something that you do? What types of things do you do for self care?
Love,
Emily Rose
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